AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out.
Experience
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Expert: J.L. Slipak Date: 5/21/2008 Subject: living with stepchildren and more
Question My home isn't my home. I don't feel you can be happy with your life if your not happy about your home.
My wife of 6 years has what I consider an unhealthy attachment to her kids, daughter 29 and son 27. Both have moved into our tiny house at different times and I feel that their behavior is unacceptable. Every room in our house smells like pot. Money disappears along with personal property including my socks. They are shameless liars but, she always believes them over me. This is particularly upsetting because in spite of my faults even my enemies comment on my level of honesty and truthfulness. And there is always the comment of "you've never had kids." My wife is scared to death that her kids won't love her. Her son refused to talk to her once for 3 years and just hangs the phone up on her. He's back now in all of his free loading capacity. Free food, free room and board, free car, meals prepared, big screen TV and money he doesn't pay back. He's supposed to be going to school on an apprenticeship but, he sprained his ankle and decided growing dope is easier. Her daughter buys a dog and decides she can't take care of it; now we do. My job is to wake up at night and drive her home from work. Neither child takes the bus. She never lifts a finger to help with anything but, demands endless service. She expects privately cooked meals because she is a vegetarian and we are going to hell for eating meat. In the meantime, I just get grouchy and complain.
I don't want to start over on a third marriage and I don't have the money to live on my own. I feel despair, nothing ever changes. We've tried therapy and we are both stubbornly locked in a stalemate blaming the other. I just stay locked up in my office. We hardly have sex anymore. I am depressed and worried.
Answer Hello Keith,
The easy answer, is to leave. Three times is the charm they say. I am my partner's third spouse and we've been together for almost 19 years. Perhaps, you need to look at what type of woman you've been selecting and avoid selecting the same the next time around, or better yet, stay single, sounds like it would be far better than this.
The other answer, would be to start saving a bit here and there, maybe take on a second job and keep that money setting it aside for an apartment. Then when you've enough, leave. In the meantime, keep to yourself and stay out of others' way. Drugs are illegal. You can solve your steppson's dilemma easily. Next time he's using, call the police. It is your home, you have the right. If your wife doesn't like it but would rather have a pothead for a son, then let her move out and live with him.
As for your "jobs" around the house... Keith... you need a bit of a backbone... next time you're suppose to wake up and drive stepdaughter around, refuse... let the doting mother. Daughter doesn't want meat in the house because of her needs, tell her to find her own place and raise vegetables... since a dog is far too difficult.
Whose car is freeloader #1 using? Yours? Tell him it's off limits and if he refuses, call the cops the next time he's taken it out... and say it was stolen... who knows, maybe when the cops pull him over and search the car, they'll discover problem #1 and take care of two birds with one arrest. Otherwise, move the big screen tv into your office, change the locks and eat your hell driven meat filled meal there. Good Luck,
