AboutLee Brochstein Expertise I can answer all questions on blending families and being a step parent. I can answer questions about discipline, visitation with the step children when you have your own children living with you and having your children visit with half siblings and step children in your spouses home.
Experience I was a step parent to 7 children for 5 years, as well as having two children during that marriage. I am now a step mother to 4 children that live in another state. My children have half siblings as well as step siblings at their father's house.
Education/Credentials Life experience and good common sense.
Expert: Lee Brochstein Date: 5/19/2008 Subject: step son
Question my husband and i have been married 13 years we have 1 daughter together she is 11. He has two sons 22 & 25 by his first wife and a third son by another he is 15, about a year and half ago he started coming to our house, but he hates me (the step mom) and I am tried of trying of being in the middle. He completely shuts himself off to the family when i am around. Actually he shuts down everything unless he is the only involved. If we plan a family outing he pulls away unless my husband stays right there with him not doing anything with the other kids. My question is Am a a bad person for wanting him to be with the family as a group not by himself, and how do i get him to participate with everyone instead of treating them bad and ignoring them. The whole family is tired of the attitude and just wants him to grow up.
Answer Ann: Actually, you are a great person for caring about him! Just keep showing him love, and he will come around. Remember, he feels like he is the odd man out, so give him time, and even space if that is what is needed. Don't force him to anything, but if he wants to stay by himself, let him. Don't let your husband coddle him and stay with him. Let him know you both want him to be a part of your family, and when he is ready, you are ready, but you won't force him or give in to him either. If he chooses to stay at home, that's okay, if he chooses to go that's even better. Just let him know you understand and don't push him.
