AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out.
Experience
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Expert: J.L. Slipak Date: 6/13/2008 Subject: Feelings of a stepfather
Question I have 3 children, 2 oldest children (boy 15, girl 10) are step children to my current husband. My husband and I are contemplating separation/divorce as our home is miserable, and I would say borderline abusive. My husband humiliates, swears at and be-littles his 2 step children constantly. Both of them are fearful, yet hold absolutely no respect for him. We all tread on eggshells and my husband refuses to go to counselling. I am aggressively taking steps to protect my children and shelter them from this existance. I was hoping that you could comment on this behaviour as I have been told since day one that I undermine him, his rules and dominance of the household.
Answer Hello Leigh,
You haven't given me much to comment on. No abuse is acceptable. And a refusal of counseling is a no win situation. I believe,however, that not only should he go, but you should also. This will enable you to work through what is happening, the emotional burden and prevent bitterness. I think you both should go to a marriage counselor if there is a hope of saving the marriage. Without this help, you both will be continuously riding an emotional roller coaster.And finally, I believe your whole family should enter into family counseling. A blended family is not an easy one to work problems out of but if you are willing to work hard for this, and your family is too, then family counseling will enable all to have a voice and find ways/changes that will make the family work more. But the final decision is up to you and family.
