AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out.
Experience
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Question My husband's two children (boy, 14; girl, 12) are with us two nights a week
and every other weekend. I am having a lot of difficulty with my step son,
with his manners (or lack of), his lack of respect for our home and his unruly
behavior towards his sister (hits her, calls her fat (which she is not),
constantly pushes and shoves her, yells at her, etc). I have a 10 year old son
who witnesses this behavior and I am having a lot of difficulty in trying to
discipline my step son when neither bio parent seems to want to do anything
with any amount of consistency. There seems to be no consequence for either
child other than a few minutes of threats and yelling, which the kids have
learned to simply ignore until it stops. As a step parent, where are my
boundaries in disciplining a 14 year old quickly spiraling out of control that is
not biologically mine? How do I stay strict with my son when his older step
brother faces no consequences to his obnoxious behavior? My step son does
not drink, do drugs and is a fairly good student when he applies himself and
when he's not trying to be the class clown. He loves his mother and father
very much but also seems depressed a lot of the time. He tells us he does not
want counseling and is happiest when he can just hang out with kids his own
age. His mother undoes everything his father and I do when the kids are with
us, and also bad-mouths his father in front of both children. Help! Do I
discipline more or do I ignore the problems and concentrate on my son,
letting my husband deal with it?
Answer Hell JW,
The person who should be doing something about this is your husband, not you. He needs to find a backbone and step up and do his job as a father. Until he does, nothing will change and you will end up tearing your hair out in frustration.
My advice is to have a heart to heart with your husband. If he refuses to do his job as a parent, I'd consider other alternatives. You are in a no win situation that will need some hard decisions.
