AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out.
Experience
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Question my husband and i have been married for 2 1/2 years and we have a 5 month old daughter. my husband has a 9 yr old daughter with an ex girlfriend. my problem is that my stepdaughter acts one way around me and another way behind my back. for example, when my husband and i are together she follows me everywhere i go saying that she wants to grow up and be just like me, but when i am gone she lies about me. she has told her mother that i said she is no longer allowed to see or talk to her father! she has also said that i told her i don't want her mother calling or talking to her father anymore. that is just a couple lies that she has said. this has been going on for about 2 1/2 months and keeps getting worse. i know that she is jealous since our daughter was born so we sat her down and i asked her why she was lying about me and saying mean things. i told her that we love her and we are trying our best to make her feel like a part of the family. her only response was the famous child line... "i don't know" why i am lying about you" i have tried my best from day one to be a good stepmother but i am afraid of the influence she will have on our daughter on top of how she treats me. i would never try to take her away from her father but my question is, at what point do you draw the line and say enough is enough. im to the point where i don't want to see her anymore because im tired of being the wicked step monster who "stole" her father! my husband has been good about punishing her when she lies but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. its almost as if she is trying to come in between my husband and i. my husband and his ex were not together since she was 3 yrs old so she doesn't even remember them ever being together so its not like i came in and "stole" him away from her mom or anything. any advice would be much appreciated!
Answer Hello Heather,
Try having your husband visit with his daughter when you are not around or better yet, away from the house. Keep this up for a while and tell her that until she stops lying, this is how access will be. She will still have her father for scheduled visits and times, but she will not be included in your "family" until she shows that she actually wants to belong.
It will take time and great effort from you both, but if you hang in there, she might see the light. If not, I would try counseling for her to deal with her own personal issues of feeling like she doesn't belong.
