AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject.
I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. As I am using this information for research, DO NOT SET YOUR QUESTION TO PRIVATE. I am not your personal counselor. This site is meant to help others in similar situations by being able to read those experiences and seeing my suggestions. I will most likely send your question to the "pool" if you do wish to remain a private emailer in order to allow another expert a chance to address your concerns.
I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out. I encourage Bioparents to stop fighting with stepparents and start working with them as a team.
Experience Living with stepchildren is incredibly difficult; being a stepparent has always been sterotyped under the Cinderella persona. The wicked stepmother, overbearing and cruel... Often times, the reality of the situation is completely different. Stepparents are expected to step in when the bioparent steps out, then are criticized and attacked when they try their best to be a good "fill-in" for the bioparent. Stepchildren are often the ones who are cruel and difficult, filled with issues surrounding their bioparent's divorce and resentment towards the "intruder" in their lives. No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stepparent, except another stepparent.
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Question I am had a lot of people tell me a lot criticizing things I am not looking to get criticized please.
My fiance is older than me and has children that are my age. We have been together for 4 years and none of his children had ever bother to come by call him or anything. He has made attempts to contact them after his divorce but no luck. We had recently lost our infant daughter now all the sudden they are coming by after she is gone asking for money, our car, and things from our home. He lets them into my house and they take things without my knowledge like broom, vacuum and other things and when i go looking for them and i think someone has broken in he tells me that one of his kids as them. He has given them our house key without me knowing. I don't know his kids well at all, I have made attempts to try and talk but they dont want anything to do with me they never made any attempt to get to know me and don't care, they are always asking for rides to use our vehicle and our gas even though they all work have their own vehicles. I have heard the whole shpeel of how are they are supposed to accept me being that i am the same age as them. well if i am forced to deal with their nonsense then why is it they are not being made to deal with me? I don't know if i am being over bearing or paranoid but i don't know what to do. I am not trying to separate him from his kids but they are getting annoying with calling him asking for this and that. what should i do?? I have tried accept this but i have a job and i work and i dont like getting into my car knowing that i have no gas and my fiancee tells me that one of his kids has borrowed my car.
Answer Hello Candace,
You need to speak to your fiance. Only he can fix this. If he doesn't, then you need to take action to protect what is yours and leave the rest alone. If he continues to ignore the obvious, then I would encourage him into counseling to see what the enabling of his children is doing to your relationship.
If he still refuses, then you may need to rethink your life and your relationship with this man. If he doesn't value your needs or opinions... then he doesn't value his relationship with you. Until he makes things change with his children, there is really nothing you can do... except leave.
