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Parenting Stepchildren/Inappropriate boundaries between stepdaughter and husband

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Linda wrote at 2013-09-28 05:21:04
Wow, I have been going through this exact same thing since my 17 year old stepdaughter moved in with us.  I mean almost exactly! The baby talk, the lying across his body, hand holding, etc.  My stepdaughter even caresses her fathers arms and thighs.  And I can tell you this, it is a form of manipulation.  She is no innocent.  Most 17 year olds are not.  



Whenever I would bring up my discomfort with this behavior, my husband would blow it off and act like I have a dirty mind.  Well, only because we live in a society that is so filled with stories of incest and child molestation that anybody who has ever caught the news has somewhat of a "dirty" mind. It was causing such problems we went to counseling with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said that behavior is NOT acceptable.  There are boundaries that must be set. A post pubescent girl has no business on her fathers lap.  She also should never have her sexual parts (including breasts) pressed on him.  



If humans were so far advanced beyond animals it would not have to be this way.  Unfortunately, we are not.  Sexual desire is not a switch we flip on and off. Your husband is a MAN and his daughter is a WOMAN.  That type of physical closeness is out of the question, as many professionals will tell you.  There are many ways for a father and daughter to bond without kissing on the lips or holding each other as husband and wife should.  Imagine acting that way with your 17 year old son.  Rubbing your breasts against him.  People would say you were going to twist his brain.  It would be disturbing for a mother to behave that way.  



"Daddy's little girl" syndrome has caused many problems in relationships.  Even daughters' natural mothers become resentful of their daughters too close relationship with fathers.  And read what fathers that molested their daughters say.  "She was coming on to me".  Hmm.  Wonder what would make him think that.  Was it the caressing? The mouth kissing? The hand holding?  Obviously these are very disturbed men, to do such a thing, however you can't discount the evidence that we humans are mere animals.  Therefore boundaries have to be set between parents and their children.  


Parenting Stepchildren

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Rick Olson

Expertise

As a stepparent of 4 children and a family coach, I can answer questions about the issues that arise in step-parenting including discipline,blended families, boundaries and guidelines.

Experience

I have 18 years as a stepfather, and over three years as a family coach focusing on unifying, strengthening and empowering families.

Publications
My wife and I have written 2 books on Family FUSE Your Family - Family: Unify Strengthen Empower! and Raising Families

Education/Credentials
BA(Recreation Administration) Grad Studies in Urban and Regional Planning and Design Certified as a LifeSuccess Consultant/Coach

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