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Parenting Stepchildren/physically and mentally abusive stepson


QUESTION: I have a 9 year old stepson that hates his 1 1/2 year old step brother (my son with stepsons father). My stepson when doesn't get his way will go after his step brother. He will throw toys and hit him. My stepson wishes his step brother was dead and has told him that. ( i know my son is 1 1/2 and doesnt know the meaning of that) but it still concerns me as his mother. My stepson this past weekend of being at our house said to my son " vincent how can i hurt you and make you cry so i can go home" my stepson also picked up a 4ft fisher price basketball hoop and threw it at my son and hit him with it. My step son has odd and anxiety. When my stepson doesn't get his way he throws tantrums (punching walls, swearing, destroying my house and abusing the family dog. I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband has spoken to his sons mother and she doesn't seem to care. She has said that she condones the hitting and behavior. my husband is ready to give up his rights as a father to his son. To protect our son and our family.  Do i as stepmom have rights to file paperwork threw the court system.

ANSWER: I do not believe that you have the "rights" to file the paperwork.  You can prepare it and have your husband sign it.  But even then you are on very shaky ground as your husband could come back later and say that you forced him to give up his visitation rights. Best to let him do it and just support whatever his decision is.  

This 9 year old boy is hurting inside, and his only way of expressing it and get attention that he craves is to act out in these very aggressive ways.  This boy needs some professional help to deal with his anger.  


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Rick, my stepson has been in and out of therapy for a year now.  Everything is such a battle with him.  
He poops in his pants on purpose . I know my stepson  is lashing  out. But
When it comes to every weekend we have him he slways hurts my son. I dont want to leave my house whenever he comes. His mentality is no matter how bad i am i stll get to do what i want..what do i do..we ve tried everything to stop his behavior.


This level of behaviour is beyond what I can help with. Perhaps he needs psychological testing.
As a mother you need to protect your young son from injury.  Will your husband give up visitation rights for now? Perhaps you can find someone to teach you how to deal with him.

Again I say this boy needs to have more professional help.


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Rick Olson


As a stepparent of 4 children and a family coach, I can answer questions about the issues that arise in step-parenting including discipline,blended families, boundaries and guidelines.


I have 18 years as a stepfather, and over three years as a family coach focusing on unifying, strengthening and empowering families.

My wife and I have written 2 books on Family FUSE Your Family - Family: Unify Strengthen Empower! and Raising Families

BA(Recreation Administration) Grad Studies in Urban and Regional Planning and Design Certified as a LifeSuccess Consultant/Coach

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