Parenting Stepchildren/21year old kinda stepson

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Question
Well here we go Myself and girlfriend live together in her house she has a 21 year old son she has been divorced 6 or 7 years now her and I get along terrific we work together and both travel with work for sometimes months at a time. I come from a Military family and was also in the military my problem is her son does nothing will sleep till noon works sometimes with family oh did I mention only child is inheriting a co when family passes on spoiled does not pick up after him self and constantly wants wants wants from his mother she asks him something as simple as to take out the trash or clean up and we get home n theres stuff everywhere I can not deal with this and its the only time we argue is about how lazy this kid is and when she says something he lays the guilt trip on her about being gone for cripes sake ur 21 years old  pays no rent nothing insurance anything HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer
Ron...
I understand your concern but you are the person that is new in this family.  It is up to mom to discipline this boy.  Mom is not helping her son by not helping him be responsible.

Coming from a military background makes this situation even harder for you.

The best thing you can do is sit down with your girlfriend and discuss calmly with her about your feelings.  Treat this as a delicate situation as she will defend her son vehemently if she feels you are attacking him.  Make sure she knows that you are there to support her in in how she wants to deal with her son.

The better you are able to back off on criticism of the boy, the easier it will be for all of you.   Please understand that I am not saying that you are wrong in how you feel, just that you must be careful to not seem to come between mother and son.... Because if mom is forced to choose you will most likely be the one that loses.

Rick

Parenting Stepchildren

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Rick Olson

Expertise

As a stepparent of 4 children and a family coach, I can answer questions about the issues that arise in step-parenting including discipline,blended families, boundaries and guidelines.

Experience

I have 18 years as a stepfather, and over three years as a family coach focusing on unifying, strengthening and empowering families.

Publications
My wife and I have written 2 books on Family FUSE Your Family - Family: Unify Strengthen Empower! and Raising Families

Education/Credentials
BA(Recreation Administration) Grad Studies in Urban and Regional Planning and Design Certified as a LifeSuccess Consultant/Coach

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