Parenting Stepchildren/co-parenting in need

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Question
me and my soon to be husband have been together for about year now, he's got a three year old son who's making well life hard. David babies him when he does something wrong and doesn't like too punish him, problem is we have a baby on the way and Jacoby will kick bite scream until his face is blue and even throw toys. Jacoby sees his mom every week and she's told him it's okay not too listen and stuff and David doesn't back me up. It's hard cause I'm a stay at home mom and with the baby on the way and a stepson who won't listen it'll become a danger too the baby. I'll tell Jacoby don't touch the stove and he will go on too test me and touch it or will scream at me too shut up or something. It's gotten bad and if the baby is born and jocoby screams hit and doesn't listen he can hurt the baby. Please help.

Answer
I understand your concern about your baby.  It is common for stepmoms to worry about how the step children will react to the new baby. For the most part there is no problem and children seem to accept babies.

There are things that you can do to help him.  You can talk with him and explain about the new baby, and that it will be his brother.  And that you will need help to keep the baby safe.  Let him be part of and help with the baby.  Just little things, and under supervision of course.  Help him feel that he has an important role in caring for the baby and being a big brother.

As a new step mom you are limited in what you can do in the way of discipline.  It is up to dad to do it, but often bio parent feel guilty about the divorce so tend to be far more lenient than is good for the child.  This is something that dad really needs to work on...giving boundaries and consequences to his son.    

Another thing to think about is what this little boy has gone through over the last while.  His parents have split up and he is in a new situation, with a different "mom" .  But he may feel that he needs to love his real mom more and should not love you...so he could be taking it out on you, testing you to see if you are going to stay or leave him like his bio mom did.  This little boy may just needs lots of love and understanding.  

And once the baby has arrived, if you have concerns, there are family agencies that can help the two of you help your stepson.

Parenting Stepchildren

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Rick Olson

Expertise

As a stepparent of 4 children and a family coach, I can answer questions about the issues that arise in step-parenting including discipline,blended families, boundaries and guidelines.

Experience

I have 18 years as a stepfather, and over three years as a family coach focusing on unifying, strengthening and empowering families.

Publications
My wife and I have written 2 books on Family FUSE Your Family - Family: Unify Strengthen Empower! and Raising Families

Education/Credentials
BA(Recreation Administration) Grad Studies in Urban and Regional Planning and Design Certified as a LifeSuccess Consultant/Coach

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