Parenting Stepchildren/Lazy step-son

Advertisement


SH wrote at 2008-08-26 15:46:09
I am going through the same thing.  My 14 yr old stepson is extra lazy.  He's spent the entire summer watching tv and playing video games.  He showers only upon request, and sleeps until 1pm.  I've been married 5 years, and this summer was the least stressful for me, because I simply ignored it.  You have to remember that you are not his mother, and you are not 100% responsible for his outcome as a person.  I don't let him walk over me, but I just ignore his behavior and let his father deal with it.  If he wants to raise a lazy son, then that's on him.  I will love him, and give him suggestions, but I will no longer worry about whether he's being productive.  I will sometimes give him a chore to do, and if he doesn't complete it, then I make his father follow-up.  By pulling back on "mothering" him, you take stress off of yourself, and place the responsibility where it belongs, his father.  It also builds your relationship, because he doesn't feel as though you are "constantly on him".  I tried this approach this summer, and though I had to grit my teeth sometimes, I wasn't as stressed as other summers.  The less you do the more your husband will do.  It will take some time, but he will eventually have to step up.


Erasmo wrote at 2013-05-21 12:35:55
My heart goes out to you. I have lived with this problem seems like forever. I have fought my wife for sixteen years with her lazy son. I have two grown children and they have moved on. There was always a double standard in our home where he got the royal treatment and did no wrong. My wife is like a mother hen and he is now Twenty five and the consequences now have been severe. He partied for seven years and could not get a degree in college. I warned my wife until I was blue in the face. Guess what? Now he is back home and still pulling the same old tricks because he can. Save yourself the headache and take care of your girls. My kids have there stuff to deal with, they are responsible and pay there own bills. The proof is in the pudding. My wife has not changed and continues to enable him like he was six. There is not a thing you can do to change your husband. The only thing I agree about the last post is take your girls and spend time with them while you can. Taking away computers etc. is a game you won't win and will make you the control freak. Happy trails. :)


Parenting Stepchildren

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


J.L. Slipak

Expertise

Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own. I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. As I am using this information for research, DO NOT SET YOUR QUESTION TO PRIVATE. I am not your personal counselor. This site is meant to help others in similar situations by being able to read those experiences and seeing my suggestions. I will most likely send your question to the "pool" if you do wish to remain a private emailer in order to allow another expert a chance to address your concerns. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out. I encourage Bioparents to stop fighting with stepparents and start working with them as a team.

Experience

Living with stepchildren is incredibly difficult; being a stepparent has always been sterotyped under the Cinderella persona. The wicked stepmother, overbearing and cruel... Often times, the reality of the situation is completely different. Stepparents are expected to step in when the bioparent steps out, then are criticized and attacked when they try their best to be a good "fill-in" for the bioparent. Stepchildren are often the ones who are cruel and difficult, filled with issues surrounding their bioparent's divorce and resentment towards the "intruder" in their lives. No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stepparent, except another stepparent.

Education/Credentials
BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.