Expert: M. Kay Keller - 11/8/2008

Question
Hello,
Few months ago I faced a bad situation with my parents that still makes me feel really upset and feels me with disgust. My parents had their condoms in a closet that everybody uses in the house, in a place that you could very easily see them! I was really mad about it because I grow up in an orthodox family where we never discuss about sex and relationships, they never asked me if I had a boyfriend and now I see the condoms in first place in the closet. My reaction was to be ignorant to my mother for many days, a fight came up suddenly that my mother started with the excuse of my behavior and when I told them the reason of my "bad behavior my mother just walked away and my fathers reply was "why we should talk about sex when you see it everywhere on tv and etc.". Every time I think about all this I feel disgust and jealous and I hope they felt embarrassed about this as I did. I know that they have sex as a couple, and I should get over this argue and feelings but I really can not when I thing that I was raised up in a stressed environment with a lot of fights, when they never cared about my personal life and now they don't take care of their stuff and they are not be careful. I'm so mad with that I don't want to stay with them for a long time.
I look forward for your reply,
Kind regards,
Katerina

Answer
Dear Katerina:

You will not like my answer. However, my job is not to tell you what you want to hear it is to tell you the truth.

Where your parents keep their condoms in their house is none of your business unless they are in your bedroom.

As for whether or not they talk to you about sex, they have failed you in not talking to you about sex and relationships however, you can still make choices. There are people who will talk to you about. Professional counselors at school and/or planned parenthood, your doctor is also a very good source of information. As a last resort look things up on the Internet on medical sites.

As for your bad behavior towards your mom. Not acceptable. Using whatever perceived slights you have towards her to act badly is a reflection on you and no one else.

If you have issues with your relationships with your parents then tell them straight up and then let go of it. Don't expect them to agree with your or even to respond the way you want them to just express yourself and let go of them.

If you don't consider these things I have written I suspect you will make yourself miserable for as long as you choose to do so.

Best Wishes!

Kay