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About M. Kay Keller
Expertise
Questions concerning Teens & the developmental stages that they are in. It doesn`t matter what the psychological or emotional behavior they are exhibiting. What matters is that you ask the questions & search out solutions! Do you have both teens and toddlers in the house? Look for me at:AllExperts>Parenting/Family>Parenting of Multiples>Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers

Follow up questions please speak to me anonymously in person I can be reached at: http://www.ingenio.com/Family SolutionsInc or 1-888-INGENIO extension - 081865.

Experience

Past/Present clients
Grandparents raising grandchildren, Teen parents, parents who have seperated/divorced, parents with children experiencing substance abuse issues, parents in need of parenting classes, parents who have experienced the death of a child/infant. Over 20 years of successful professional experience with children and families.

Education: A.A., B.S. Honors, (Psychology & Sociology),S.S.W., Masters, & PhD (Doctoral Student)Family Relations.
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You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of Adolescents > Parenting --Teens > problem teen

Topic: Parenting --Teens

Expert: M. Kay Keller
Date: 6/29/2008
Subject: problem teen

Question
my daughter is only 14 and has ran awat twice both times were for a 17 year old boy she seems like the perfect child to every one never raised her voice good in school but she lies nonstop normally on me and her family like we beat her or she has been raped several times gone through counciling for years now she is stealing first cash and now my credit cards i dont know what to do the police said the first time she left took 2000 dollars that was a felony so i did nothing now its a petty crime with the credit cards cant do nothing where do i go know im scared for her safty and others please help get started on some king of recovery for her

Answer
Dear Lisa:

Whether or not you believe her "lies" she believes them and she is acting out like a child who has experienced these things. The way to get her into recovery is seek out a Family Therapist. Not counseling, a good Family Therapist and get the entire family into counseling with her. She needs to know you love her and accept her regardless of her behavior. This does not mean that you allow her to steal or that your condone her stealing. Keep your credit cards and cash locked up. Always insist she face the consequences of her actions however realize that facing the consequences is her punishment she doesn't need more punishment in addition to her consequences.

Find things to tell her that you like about her. It is easy when we have challenging children to get caught up in our fears for them and forget to praise them or compliment them. Try to find time to spend with her that is fun for her and then enjoy your time with her. The more you do this the more the other behaviors will often disappear. Try not to get caught up in the "lies" and argue with her. Such let them go. I can hear the fear in your posting and realize that ultimately our children have to make their own choices and live with them. All we have left to do is to love them.

Sincerely,

Kay

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