AboutM. Kay Keller Expertise Questions concerning Teens & the developmental stages that they are in. It doesn`t matter what the psychological or emotional behavior they are exhibiting. What matters is that you ask the questions & search out solutions!
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Experience
Past/Present clients Grandparents raising grandchildren, Teen parents, parents who have seperated/divorced, parents with children experiencing substance abuse issues, parents in need of parenting classes, parents who have experienced the death of a child/infant. Over 20 years of successful professional experience with children and families.
Expert: M. Kay Keller Date: 6/26/2008 Subject: suffication
Question QUESTION: i am a seventeen year young girl. i get good grades in school, take honors classes, and still manage to earn a 4.0 GPA. i go to church at least twice a week and consider myself to be a devote catholic
and
i have a problem.
my parents are suffocating me.
i’m not allowed to see boys.
talk to boys.
hangout with boys.
go to a boys house.
have them come to my house.
ride in their car.
be in a car with them.
like them.
have any feelings for them.
talk or text them on the phone.
be friends.
be anything more than a friend.
also,
get my license or a car,
because they believe i would disobey the above rules doing so.
i’m not longer allowed to see my best friend because they believe she is a “bad girl”
i don’t know what to do anymore.
in 8th grade i stopped eating.
for almost three months i ate almost nothing.
i had to go to the doctor to get medication for acid reflux.
i didn’t tell the doctors i wasn’t eating.
and my parents could not have cared if they tried.
not eating didn’t work.
last summer i begged for therapy
i couldn’t take the depression any longer.
they also then did not care.
i’ve had suicidal thoughts my whole life.
devolped acute insomnia
suffer from bipolar disorder
and severe anxiety.
i can't breathe.
i feel like i'm sufficating.
i have a problem.
ANSWER: Dear Anonymous:
Having overcontrolling parents is not the end of the world. I know not what you wanted me to say. It does wreak havoc with your social life but hear me when I say you are 17 years old and it is TEMPORARY!
You will be 18 and then you can do as you please. Try to realize they do care or they would not be so controlling. Parents do not know everything inspite of what they tell you. Often they are just as scared inside about how to raise their children as you are to face your life. Their fear comes out in ways that are not always pleasant such as yours. HOWEVER, you can get through this and life will be different in a year. YOU NEED TO TRUST me on this because I had very controlling parents and now I am older with grown children and grandchildren and life just keeps getting better and better.
WHAT I do want to deal with is this, you said:
I've had suicidal thoughts my whole life.
developed acute insomnia
suffer from bipolar disorder
and severe anxiety.
i can't breathe.
i feel like I'm suffocating.
i have a problem.
Dear you can talk to a school counselor and they will help you get help. You do not need to suffer like this by yourself. There are hotline numbers where you can talk confidentially to others for free. (Talk to someone who listens and doesn't tell you what bad parents you have because that just doesn't help, besides as we have already established your parents only have control temporarily until you are an adult at 18).
SUICIDE HOTLINE:Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
This hotline is available 24/7 and is CONFIDENTIAL.
If your parents don't care and haven't taken responsibility for your mental health how exactly do you know you suffer from bipolar disorder and severe anxiety? Regardless, the school counselor can help you get the help you need.
You also obviously have access to a computer. Google bipolar disorders and find a good online support group. Read up and post online to the groups. I know you are strong enough to get the help you need. Suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY situation. The world would not be a better place without you in it!
Here is another tip: HALT!
Hungry
Angry
Lonely and
Tired.
Two of these are physical and easy enough to fix, get a snack and take a nap. Lonely and angry talk to someone, on the phone, on the computer, write in a journal if that is the only choice you have! Find one of your old stuff animals and talk to it and no I am not kidding it helps.
You can make it as you are almost there to adulthood!
Please do start by calling the hotline. I have a feeling you are going to contribute greatly to the world. Do reach out for help yourself. You life is more in your control than you realize! You make choices to mind them or not mind them each time they put a limit on you. You have the power of your mind!
Best Wishes & you are in my prayers!
Kay
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: well i'm pretty satisfied and would never fully go through with suicide.
and i'm really on/off with things too.
like i can feel great for
a day
a week
a month
but eventually it all comes crashing down.
and i know i can pull out of it.
but,
it just feels right.
it just feels like me.
i've accepted my problems.
and i know that it is what makes me who i am,
how i define myself.
i'm just having trouble letting that go.
Answer Dear Anonymous:
Something I thought of as I was reading your note. Something I wished I had shared with my own children when they were your age. Try and find a cause, something outside of your world and then go volunteer for a while. It is a great remedy for changing our perspectives, and a fine distraction from what is ailing us. You will be pleasantly and greatly surprised to see how quickly your life will change. You won't be "STUCK" anymore.
