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About M. Kay Keller
Expertise
Questions concerning Teens & the developmental stages that they are in. It doesn`t matter what the psychological or emotional behavior they are exhibiting. What matters is that you ask the questions & search out solutions! Do you have both teens and toddlers in the house? Look for me at:AllExperts>Parenting/Family>Parenting of Multiples>Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers

Follow up questions please speak to me anonymously in person I can be reached at: http://www.ingenio.com/Family SolutionsInc or 1-888-INGENIO extension - 081865.

Experience

Past/Present clients
Grandparents raising grandchildren, Teen parents, parents who have seperated/divorced, parents with children experiencing substance abuse issues, parents in need of parenting classes, parents who have experienced the death of a child/infant. Over 20 years of successful professional experience with children and families.

Education: A.A., B.S. Honors, (Psychology & Sociology),S.S.W., Masters, & PhD (Doctoral Student)Family Relations.
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You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of Adolescents > Parenting --Teens > 18 yr old daughter dating 'loser' boyfriend

Topic: Parenting --Teens

Expert: M. Kay Keller
Date: 7/3/2008
Subject: 18 yr old daughter dating 'loser' boyfriend

Question
Our 18 yr old daughter has been dating her boyfriend for 2+ years now. He is a nice enough kid but he has no job,is not going to college(he graduated in 2007)and can be childish and mean to our daughter. It seems like he is going nowhere fast. We have tried to get to know him and spend time with him. But still realize that her life with him will be very tough.We have told her our reasons for not wanting her to date him but also realize this is her life. Our daughter is very beautiful, bright and very outspoken. She insists that she knows there is no future with the boyfriend but still continues to see him. They have broke up so many times because of how he treats her and yet she slways ends up back with him. When she talks about her future plans and what she wants it is so far opposite of where he is going. It makes me very sad to think that her future will possibly be with this guy. What do we do? Continue to listen when he hurts her?(not physically, but with his indifference at times and not following thru with things, he also flakes on her alot with family functions,etc.) She is living with us and plans on Jr college in the fall. We try to take her with us to other places and encourage her to try new things. Mostly to help her to see that there is a great big world out there with lots of opportunities. Do we just back off and let her figure it out? She has so much life in her, if she stays with guy he will only bring her down.

Answer
Dear Kim:

Do back off and let her figure it out. Really what other option do you have but to alienate her. She needs to know you have confidence she can make her own decisions even when they are not going to work out.

Spending time with her and letting her know how much you want the best for her and how much you love her is the best vaccine against lousy boyfriends. The trick is sometimes it takes awhile to work.

Just be there for her and don't let this guy ruin what you have with your daughter.

Kay

P.S. Give her my number

1-888-INGENIO
extension 090445

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