AboutJames Windell Expertise I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.
Experience I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.
I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.
I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for the Oakland Press for 21 years, and my columns also appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 12 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, and 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER. My latest parenting book is THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. I have appeared on over 175 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at Jameswindell.com
Expert: James Windell Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: 19 yr old daughter - addiction
Question I have been struggling for the past 18 months with a daughter who has an substance abuse problem, OC, marijuana, and I believe heroin now. Her last round of detox was 5 weeks ago, where she spent 4 days at a hospital, then 4 weeks of outpatient rehab. She's not working, and not in school, flunked out of 2 semesters of college. I found out 5 days ago she took some percs, so took her car away from her. Today was the last straw, when she asked to spend some time with a boyfriend, she is not supposed to be seeing. I basically told her I couldn't do this anymore, I had reached my boiling point. If she couldn't understand she shouldn't be around people who may influence her, then I was wasting my time. I cant stand by and watch her anymore and I asked her to leave. Yes, As a parent I am feeling very guilty. I know I cant "fix" her...but I cant be there anymore to pick her up. As a parent I don't know what to do anymore....what are the options...are there any? How does a 19 yr old start to bring herself back into society, no decent jobs, no affordable housing, medial insurance....I know I am babbling, its just good to get it of my chest. Thanks for listening.
Answer Hello Kathy,
I can understand how you might be both angry and frustrated because your daughter is not able to avoid addictive behavior. Many parents in similar situations ask their young adult children to leave the home. And they all feel guilty.
This is a very difficult situation. Hopefully, she has a place to go. What I expect will happen is that she will be taken in by friends, but they will also get tired of her not working and continued drug use and she'll find herself with no place to go eventually. So, I suspect she will want to come back. It may be better not to let her return until she has met some requirements; such as another detox, another inpatient rehab, outpatient rehab, and a job or return to school.
She can get a job if she's off most of the drugs. That would be a place to start to try to get her life together.
Best,
James Windell
