Expert: M. Kay Keller - 10/20/2009

Question
I been with my boyfriend about 2 years. We been living together for over a year now.  Initially my boyfriend showed genuine interest in developing a relationship with my children but it wasn't long before he got frustrated and has pretty much given up. My son is ADHD and is also 14.  He's sloppy and irresponsible and basically like most 14 year olds.  My boyfriend cannot stand that my son doesn't follow simple rules and forgets things easily.  He feels these are character flaws and has no patience and is to a point he barely speaks to my son.  I am to a point I'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend for my son's sake.  He's not being abused but I worry about my son's emotional well being.  Should I be worried or am I over reacting?

Answer
Dear Darcy,

Well you do well to worry about your son's emotional well being. You gave birth to your son and I hope you are hoping to have a lifelong relationship with him. A boyfriend however is someone you date. If he is having such an extreme reaction and refuses to learn about learning disabilities seems the choice has already been made by your boyfriend. He is telling you where his priorities lie.

I wouldn't leave him for your son's sake. How about your own? How do you love or feel attracted to someone who treats your son this way or refuses to understand and learn about learning disabilities? How does his behavior make you feel? Leaving him for your son's sake is unfair to you son. He shouldn't have to carry the burden for your happiness. I think this is your responsibility.

Best Wishes!

Kay
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