Parenting --Teens/obstinate 18 year old daughter
I am a single parent of an 18 year old girl who is an only child. She has lived most of her life with me, her mother but for a couple of years she did live with her dad and stepmom and stepbrother. She is a very stubborn, inflexible, headstrong girl who doesn't listen to me. EVER! she does not have a relationship with her father anymore due to his lack of his not willing to budge in his rules, and his distrust in her. She unfortunately is very much like her father as in she's quick to anger, unwilling to learn from others. She see's matters in black and white. Its all or nothing, she is a very outgoing girl, however she is a person who tells all about herself and her life the first 10 minutes you meet her. She makes friends easily but she never can keep them. She is very analytical, smart, mature in a lot of ways. She has the personality to be someone of authority. She does want to join the military. But I fear that right now she has no friends, she never goes out, she doesn't have a social life at all. She spends all of her time daydreaming and listening to her ipod. She has no compassion for people and she only thinks about herself. I do know that she wants very much to have friends and to go out and be social. She has a very strong faith and she will not drink or do drugs or go out with a guy just to date. She wants a husband and a career. I feel so helpless because of her not listening to my advice and she is a "bucket dipper" that means she drains all the energy out of people including me after awhile and she feels so heavy with her presence. I do love her very much, and i would love to talk to her about everything I have written but she wears her heart on her sleeve and it would devastate her. what is a mother to do? And don't say to just let go of her because I have but I just see the sadness in her and it breaks my heart. I am her mother and I love her no matter how she acts or what she does. But I feel like the only one that does love her. She is extremely hard to love because of her callous remarks and her put off attitude. Please help me to find out what should be done or how I should look at this a different way. thank you
You have given a great description of a spoiled child. It's okay to acknowledge that you participated in raising a spoiled child. Once you say it then you can be ready to stop that spoiling. It's no wonder she has not friends, they probably get tired of her quickly. While you state many nice things about her the one thing you didn't describe, but I see it, is that she really has not direction. She, from your description, doesn't seem to have really nailed down where she should be going in life. The biggest thing I would suggest is that she see a therapist to work through the hurt of not having a father in her life. This is where you will be tested. I have a feeling if she fights you, you usually give in. This is something that you should not give in on. If she refused to go then she needs to find other living arrangements. She has to get direction and meeting with an unbiased 3rd party is essential to do that in this case.