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Parenting --Teens/My son is hiding things from me

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Question
I just found out that my 16 year old son has a 2 year old son and he also just got a girl pregnant four months ago. I don't understand how that could have even happened. I try my best to make sure he stays safe. I have even given him condoms and I always tell him that he could talk to me about anything he needs to talk about. The most confusing part for me if that he says he's gay. Why would he have sex with girls if he's gay?
I had him when I was 16 as well. Is that why he is doing this?
This is all just really confusing for me.

Answer
Hello Mandi,
Of course, I can't tell you why he is having sex and fathering children. But I doubt that it is just because you had a child when you were 16.
If he has told you that he thinks he is gay, it is certain that he is willing to talk to you about some aspects of his life. And you have apparently tried to teach him to be responsible sexually.
However, if he truly thinks he is gay but he is having sexual intercourse with girls, then it could be that he is confused about his identity and his sexuality. That would, however, not be unusual for a middle teenager. Yet, the fact that he is fathering children with different girls and at the same time tells his mother he is gay suggests that he may need professional help to better understand his own thinking and behavior. It might even be a good idea for the two of you (assuming that his father or a stepfather is not involved in his life) to go to a family therapist together.
Best,
 James Windell

Parenting --Teens

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James Windell

Expertise

I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.

Experience

I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.

I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.

I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for several newspapers for 26 years, and my columns appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 16 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER, and THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. My most recent parenting book (2012) is THE EVETYTHING CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND DEVELOPMENT BOOK. I have appeared on over 180 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at Jimwindell.com

Education/Credentials
I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University.

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