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Parenting --Teens/teen being disrespectful to me and his sister


I have two boys and two girls, older girl has left home (Now aged 29yrs) then I have a boy 19 1/2 , then a boy who will be turning 18 next month.
The father of my children is still around, as my eldest daughter was growing up he was very abusive towards her... the only thing was the rest of us were very loving towards her, but my issue is that the same is happening to my youngest daughter ( abuse from the father ... but also to make matters worse (for her and me) the the almost 18 yr old boy is being very abusive towards her too, I see what this is doing to her, I try consequences for his actions ???? but it doesn't change his attitude towards her. I also told him he doesn't behave his privileges of seen his girlfriend is going... I now his his girlfriend telling me how unfair I am, I told her I was sorry , but that he needs to respect his family or further down the track he will also loose respect for her as well. He cannot swear at his sister, she wants to comment on anything ... he tells her to shut up, u r an idiot! fu... idiot, u don't know nothing... u should take care of ur weight. so many obscene things, and in fact very hurtful things, I tried taking him out and talking to him to see if he realizes the impact he is having on her. But he doesn't care.. and in fact he has told his girlfriend he hates his sister... thats just ( undescribable )... Her father also very rude to her ... and she has "learned to retaliate back , she is also rude to them too, which I know is not right,and see their excuse is that shes rude, but she became rude, after so long being abused by them both. And I get the worst of it all also, I also get swearing , pushing by her, swearing from my son. I'm very stressed I feel we are very sad family.

Hello Mon,
Since you can see some of the consequences of being verbally abused, you understand how devastating and harmful this can be. This is ongoing, psychological trauma for her and it will affect how she feels about herself and how she will relate to others.
It's your job to protect her. that might mean consequences for your son. But, he must stop this or he should leave the home.
James Windell

Parenting --Teens

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James Windell


I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.


I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.

I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.

I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for several newspapers for 26 years, and my columns appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 16 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER, and THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. My most recent parenting book (2012) is THE EVETYTHING CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND DEVELOPMENT BOOK. I have appeared on over 180 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at

I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University.

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