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Parenting --Teens/Teenage boy who knows it all

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Question
My son is a junior in high school he tray to be a good kid but that every so often if a teacher ask him to stop doing something he first ignores them and than if they ask him again not to do something than he gets mouthy with them, uses words like you need to stop or we are going to make something of this, or I'm going to punch you. He has a problem of walking away or just do what your told, instead he thinks it's his way. I never raised my son to be like that and I don't know why he does it, sometimes he gets mouthy with me and thinks its a joke, and I have to tell him not to talk to me like that, but it hurts me when he does it at school and than does not listen to me. MOM

Answer
Youth and their ability to rule their world through their words....this has frustrated parents throughout the centuries. At this stage of his development, he is testing you and his teachers to find out where his boundaries are. Much like when he was two and would walk away from you defiantly or touch an object you said not to just to see what you would do. Society encourages bad behaviors sometimes, it's up to us as parents to set clear boundaries and consequences (both good and bad) when our children go beyond them.

My suggestion would be to sit your son down in the absence of this behavior and clearly explain the rules, what you expect and what will happen when he disobeys. Start the conversation off on a positive, showing him things he does that makes you proud and end it with encouragement, telling him you know he can do this. Then, the most important part, follow through. If you tell him no t.v. or computer each day you receive a negative report from school, then make sure he doesn't have those privileges. It is your consistency and black and white thinking that will bring him to where you feel he needs to be. Understand though, if at anytime, you ignore the behavior or allow him to get away with it, he will continue it until he realizes you are consistent once again.

Good Luck and remember patience and consistency. It's just a behavior and can be changed!

Parenting --Teens

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Penny K

Expertise

I enjoy assisting parents in parenting atypical teenagers that do not respond well to normal parenting techniques. I am able to provide parents with a straight forward behavioral approach that has proved to be successful.

Experience

My husband and I have raised 31 daughters, 29 of our children were foster teens who ranged in age from 11-18. I was a site director for a local group home for adolescent girls, an Executive Director for the Children's Policy Council and the Executive Vice President for a residential treatment facility that specialized in alcohol and drug treatment for adjudicated adolescent males and provided comprehensive assessment to adolescents in the custody of the state. I have been a staff trainer for the Boys Town Model of Care and for the past 10 years I am the lead facilitator for the Parent Project parenting class in my county. In the past 20 years of my career I have assisted over 2000 adolescent youth and their families.

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Boys Town Behavioral Management Trainer Parent Project Facilitator

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