Parenting --Teens/Re: Son
I am writing regarding my relationship difficulty with my son. I have raised him since he was a baby as a single father and have given him and his twin sister my best financially and emotionally. Also both of my children were able to spend time with their mother regularly there were no fights or disagreements between their mom and I she decided to move away when they were 5 years old but saw them regularly.
Both my son and his twin sister graduated from College and are very intelligent, after my son graduated I have opened a small business for him which he seems to enjoy and make a good living from it and I do not get anything nor expect anything from him or his business however I am having a very difficult time with my son in our relationship he appears to out of nowhere almost daily basis unload his anger and is extremely abusive towards me in any conversation we may start which ends up him exploding almost as if he has rage within as if he has Bi-Polar type symptoms.
I have always lowed and shown compassion both of my children throughout their life but it is very disappointing for me to be subjected his abusive behavior and complete disrespect after all of the sacrifices I have given for past 23 years.
I have suggested for both of us to see an independent therapist to guide and counsel both of us to better our relationship but he continues to think it is me and I am the problem and will not see a professional.
I would appreciate your suggestions as to what to do since I have asked my son repeatedly not to be abusive or take his anger out on me but with no success. I have many friends and they all adore me and are very respectful towards me over many years I am just not sure what the issues are with my son I am at a point to distance my relationship with him he brings out the worst in me.
Look forward to your guidance. Thank you for all of your help and time in advance.
I can hear the hurt through your email. As parents we want the very best for our children, no matter what age they are.
This is a little out of my area of experience, but maybe I can give you some general advice. I would normally tell parents of teens as long as your child is dependent on you, you are still in a position of influence. However, it appears that your son is financially independent, if he isn't you could use your business deal with him to force the issue of seeking help.
Without built in "motivators" the best you can do is to set clear boundaries and take care of yourself emotionally. Unfortunately, if he does not have the proper insight to his own behavior or a desire to change, he won't. You, on the other hand, do have the power to say, "I love you, but will not allow you to verbally abuse me anymore" and walk away. You also do not have to continue with any type of support, you have done enough. Now, I know this is easier said than done and love can make you take it "just a little longer" in hopes things will change, but that again, it is your decision. Take your own suggestion and contact a counselor that can help support and guide you through this next chapter of the relationship between you and your son. Maybe through modeling for your son the benefits of counseling, he may be more open to it.
I know this probably isn't the answer or insight you were hoping for, but I hope it was helpful nonetheless. I wish you luck, remember, they are adults now and you did a great job. This is the time to step back and take care of you!