Parenting --Teens/Young Adult Son

Advertisement


Question
Hello:

I am writing regarding my relationship difficulty with my son. I have raised him since he was a baby as a single father and have given him and his twin sister my best financially and emotionally. Also both of my children were able to spend time with their mother regularly there were no fights or disagreements between their mom and I she decided to move away when they were 5 years old but saw them regularly.

Both my son and his twin sister graduated from College and are very intelligent, after my son graduated I have opened a small business for him which he seems to enjoy and make a good living from it and I do not get anything nor expect anything from him or his business however I am having a very difficult time with my son in our relationship he appears to out of nowhere almost daily basis unload his anger and is extremely abusive towards me in any conversation we may start which ends up him exploding almost as if he has rage within as if he has Bi-Polar type symptoms.

I have always lowed and shown compassion both of my children throughout their life but it is very disappointing for me to be subjected his abusive behavior and complete disrespect after all of the sacrifices I have given for past 23 years.

I have suggested for both of us to see an independent therapist to guide and counsel both of us to better our relationship but he continues to think it is me and I am the problem and will not see a professional.

I would appreciate your suggestions as to what to do since I have asked my son repeatedly not to be abusive or take his anger out on me but with no success. I have many friends and they all adore me and are very respectful towards me over many years I am just not sure what the issues are with my son I am at a point to distance my relationship with him he brings out the worst in me.

Look forward to your guidance. Thank you for all of your help and time in advance.

Best regards,
Anthony

Answer
Hi Anthony, thx for your question. It sounds like you have done everything you can to help and support your children to become highly functioning adults. It appears to be a mystery why your son is angry. Maybe he doesn't really know why or maybe he doesn't want to tell you. I agree, you don't deserve to be yelled and screamed at by another adult.  He can either work with you and try to sort out your relationship or you can take a step back (I know that will be hard) and remove yourself as a target. If speaking with him only causes more angry words, I would suggest you write him a note or an email. Something along the lines of "I love you and am worried about your anger. I don't understand what it is about but I want to understand. We can go together to counselling, you can go by yourself and ask me to come when you feel it is appropriate, or you can do nothing about it and continue to carry your anger. It will no longer be exploded at me though. I will no longer be your target.  If you start to yell, our conversation(s) are over."  Obviously those are my words and you would need to say what feels comfortable for you. Most importantly, you need to follow through once you have made the statement that you will no longer be his target. That means you either hang up or walk out if/when the anger starts. Then you need to be consistent- do that every time. Sooner or later he will realize that his anger will get him no where.  I hope that helps. All the best.

Shana

Parenting --Teens

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Shanac

Expertise

Questions from parents who are noticing changes in their adolecent and think problems may be brewing, questions regarding specific problems they are already experiencing, information on warning signs if they think their child may be having problems, questions regarding fighting with parents, sibling rivlary, school problems, addiction problems, relationship issues (eg their child is in a relationship and parent has concerns), and anything else you can think of.

Experience

22+ years working with an adolescent population providing counselling. I have probably worked with over 1000 clients in that time. Have been used to testify in court and write reports for sentencing.

Education/Credentials
M.A. Counselling Psychology
BA Psychology

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.