Parenting --Teens/Teen Daughter


QUESTION: My daughter is 15 years old. Last night she was arrested along with her friend's sister who is 18 years old for possession of a controlled substance.

At around 7pm last night my daughter called me for a ride from her friend's house. I told her that I was running errends (I was in the grocery store getting groceries) so told her to call a cab and I would reimburse her for it when I got home.

I got home around 8pm and she wasn't home yet. I try calling her cell but it kept going to voicemail. I was going to wait until 9pm then I was just going to go stop by her friend's house to see if she was there. But instead at ten to nine I got a phone call from the police station. They told me she was charged with possession of cocaine.

I went and picked her up from the police station. She had a notice to appear in court for monday morning and restrictions.

My daughter claimed she didn't know the drugs were in the car. I believe especially after all the trouble her older sister had dealing with drugs. But my husband doesn't believe her and is livid. He wants to take away her phone, computer and ground her for a month.

I think it is a bit excessive especially if she really didn't know. What should I do about this situation. My daughter has a dance coming up next tuesday and she is really upset because she thinks she is being punished for something she didn't do.

ANSWER: I feel like I need more information to best advise you here.  Is this the first incident you've had with this daughter in regard to drugs, lying, etc.?  If so, then I would be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.  However, I would be concerned about the company she is keeping, and even if she didn't know the drugs were there, there need to be some consequences so she doesn't think this is no big deal.

If there have been other reasons for concern, then I'm more inclined to believe she's not being honest with you, and you need to set some pretty strong boundaries here to protect your daughter.  

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: This is the first time this ever happened. She has never had any incidents dealing with drugs, and she hasn't really lied besides not doing what she is told like in this case where I told her to take the bus. She already been grounded these past two days.

Then I think your husband's punishment sounds harsh, but I would place restrictions on her until you learn more about her friends and activities.  Set some good boundaries for her in regard to who she can be alone in a car with.  Open your home to her and her friends.  Engage with them as much as you can.  You need to know your daughter's friends.  

I wish you the best.


Parenting --Teens

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Bj Hickman


I am an interventionist and a certified addictions specialist. I can answer questions and offer advice regarding relationships with parents and teenagers, including but not limited to cases involving drug or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, sexual abuse, and divorce. I enjoy teaching parents how to prepare themselves for their child becoming a teenager and assuaging their fears of those "dreaded teenage years". I want parents to know they can not only survive those years, but they can actually enjoy them!


I am the mother of two grown children, 30 and 28. My husband and I have been married for 32 years. We have 31 years experience counseling parents and teenagers. We have learned some things along the way and often are asked to speak to groups on parent/teenager relationships. We also lead a seminar for teenagers on suicide awareness. However, what I feel makes me most qualified is our own children with whom we enjoy close and open relationships. Our kids are well-rounded, high functioning adults who are caring and are often sought out for advice from their friends and their friends' parents.

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