Parenting --Teens/lazy unmotivated daughter

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Question
My problems are not earth shattering yet, however I know if I can nip them in the bud now it will make for a much more peaceful house now and in the future.  My daughter is 12 1/2.  She is extrememly lazy (I know that is very common)  We do not ask too much of her - just keep her room neat and clean up after dinner - and weekly dusting and vacuum of our SMALL living room and her bedroom.  Every thing she does is trully half-hearted (if done at all).  this has been going on for sometime.  Her effort is basically negative and complains at every turn.  Punishments do not work.  She only needs about 5 min a day to clean her room and it's always a disaster.  I have her phone now and said when she can keep her room clean she can have it back.  She will keep it neat for 2 days and that's it - she gives up.  I'm so tired of yelling.  I trully don't know what to do.  I feel like all I do is bark orders constantly - put that away, pick that up etc, etc. I want a peaceful house and a good relationship. Punishments do not work - what else can I try?

Answer
Karen,

At some point you need to take your emotion out of it. If you bring in consequences AND yelling and screaming that is going to keep things going in a bad way. If you bring consequences only and go on with your day peacefulness will begin. It's a conscious choice you have to daily make with her. She gets something out of the interaction with you. Keeping your expectations high are fine. Letting her clearly know your expectations and maintaining calm yourself is key to helping her.

Doc David

www.DavidSimonsen.net

Parenting --Teens

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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I work with teens and parents on a weekly basis. I have learned that one way of parenting doesn't fit every teen. Being able to be flexible and a good listener can really cultivate a great relationship between a parent and teen. I will give you a no-nonsense pratical way to help your relationship

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I am a Ph.D. level licensed Marriage & Family Therapist presently in private practice.

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AAMFT;AACC;WAMFT

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Familyshare.com

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M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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