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Parenting --Teens/how to handle my teenage brother,how to make him understand that he should study and be a nice boy


Hii , m 22 yr old and my bro is 17 yr old, our mom dad are mostly out for work but whenever they are in home we spend good time. My brother he is in 12th, he studies rarely, and my dad keeps on telling him to study and yell on him. But my brother ignore him. My brother have good knowledge about all things he watches discovery also .he is confused about his career. He has friends elder than him. He left home n was out for three days. He left home because he wanted earn money and he want to be a big man. And he has friends who are rich enough. And now he smokes even he had drink. But my dad known about this and he scolded him sappled him. There has been lot of mess in family . m so stressed out . now parents are so angry on him they are going to throw him out of home. I want to make all things normal how to  talk to my brother how to make him understand that hr should study and not to drink and smoke. As a sister and daughter i want make everything normal . please  suggest me that can help me .

Hello Ruchira,

You sound like a very loving and kind sister who wants to help her brother and keep things calm in the family.

However, there may be limitations to what you can do. Your brother, like a great many young men his age, wants to grow up and be independent, and he may be bored with school. Since he goes around with older boys, he probably wants to be like them by smoking, drinking, and earning money. His friends probably don't have much respect for staying in school and being a good student.

I don't have any magic answers for what you can say to him to make him be a good student, stay at home, and obey the wishes of your parents. However, you can still be his friend and let him know that you understand that he wants to feel more like a man. I would advise against you lecturing him or telling him what he ought to do. Your parents have already tried this -- without success. It's not what you brother needs or wants to hear.

What you can do is to tell your brother you love him and you will support whatever he chooses to do. Let him know that you are always available to listen to him, and you will NOT tell him what he should do with his life. If he needs to talk to you, you are always ready to listen to him.

What I'm suggesting is very difficult, but it may be very important to your brother when he matures and is ready to do something different with his life. He will need someone in the family who will not judge him and will listen to him.

I hope this helps. Email me again with more questions or to let me know how your brother is doing.

James Windell

Parenting --Teens

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James Windell


I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.


I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.

I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.

I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for several newspapers for 26 years, and my columns appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 16 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER, and THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. My most recent parenting book (2012) is THE EVETYTHING CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND DEVELOPMENT BOOK. I have appeared on over 180 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at

I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University.

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