Parenting --Teens/11 year daughter difficult


i have 11.5 year old daughter n 9 year old son. im stay at home mum but now studying to pursue my career. recently im starting a husband doctor n his job is too demanding. my son is well behaved. but my daughter is too difficult with every passing day.she has got v stubborn. in school trachers praise her. as my husband too busy with job i try give quality time to my husband is disciplinarian n she behaves v well when he is around. but she spins my head a lot. she isnt ready on time for school so sometimes bus is a near miss..even when we are going out for party no matter how  many times we say to her that we r getting late she doesnt listen. she is v disrespectful towards me. wen i ask her u should think of the time n ready on tine or do ur studies or plz clean up ur room or plz put ur things in pkace she reacts. like u r bloody n i hate u etc. sometimes i say that this is unacceptable attitude. she is hooked to mobile all the time. as a reaction  sometimes i take her charger.she was good wen she was 9 year old but now every next year she is more reactive least bothered what we ask her to do. and lies a lot that she has cleaned her room n on very small things she day she put on my make up before going to school n wen u said why u have put this on she said i havent. so im just telling u that she is getting v habitual in ill start job  n i am just afraid of her. ill have t9 handle work n home single handedly. and  i want that she gets ready for school on time so i can reach my office  . plus also she needs to know that she has to do her own tasks herself n more independent as i cant do all the things myself alone. thats why now im trying to give her  training   so there isnt much burden on me. what should i do. her disrecpectful words her lack of participation in home too much usage of mobile never ready on time its just stressful.she is reallly sharp but takes not much interest in studies though she is in the best school
. i fulfill all her wishes whether she needs to go out for dinner or she wants something particular from market. i feel sometimes i react a day she got v late so i said now no time for breakfast just puck up croissant n sut in car as its ur punishment . regular breakfast would take a lot of time. so that day she went without breakfast as  didnt want a handy thing to eat. at 8 o clock one day at night she told me she had test n wen i listened to the test she knew only 40 percent . there was no time left to learn such a long test.u plz advise me

Hello B,

You sent a lengthy email about your daughter, but before I give you some suggestions, I need to ask you some questions.
1. Your biggest concerns are her lying, her being disrespectful to you, her not taking responsibility, and her lack of participating in the home life. Is this correct?
2. When there is a problem behavior by your daughter, what do you say or do?
3. When there is a problem behavior, what does her father say or do?
4. Does her father have the same level of concern about her behavior? If so, what does he think ought to be done?
5. Is she achieving adequate grades at school? Is she motivated to do well at school?
6. Is she ever appreciative of what you provide to her? Or of what you do for her?
7. Do you ever punish her for any of her problem behavior? If so, how?

 If you could answer these questions, I would be happy to offer you some recommendations.


James Windell  

Parenting --Teens

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James Windell


I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.


I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.

I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.

I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for several newspapers for 26 years, and my columns appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 16 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER, and THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. My most recent parenting book (2012) is THE EVETYTHING CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND DEVELOPMENT BOOK. I have appeared on over 180 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at

I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University.

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