Parenting --Teens/Whats going on
QUESTION: I saw your credentials if anyone can hwlp me I am thinknig its you haha. "I need some help here I am 39 my husband is 40 we have our 19th wedding annivcoming up,we have a 17 year old son,my husband anf I are both fit people who take care of ourselves and eat well etc etc, I guess you could ssay we are fairly attractive, I mean I wouldnt say I am like a hot mom or anything. We have always had a good if not great sex life.Typically we would have sex 2x during the week than typically twice more on Saturday, thats wwhen we would lock the door take our "private time" and really enjoy ourselves. About two months ago something just sparked me my husband came home from work and grabbed my butt,I turned around and kissed him my son saw this and was like eew gross, anyway my husband said he was going in the room to get changed I gave him another kiss, he said come with me we went in our room my husband locked the door, we started fooling around next thing I know I am in only my bra/underwear, I said "he (our son) is right outside we cant do this right now" My husband said hes old enough he knows what goes on.After some more fooling around I agreed with my husband I told him if he gets weirded out we arent doing this again with him home in the middle of the day. Anyway about half way in my son knocked on the door and asked if we were eating soon "I said mom and dad are having private time " I was slightly embarrassed. Anyway I told my husband not again when our son knows whats going on. The next day the same drill we did as soon as my husband got home and then again after dinner. Over the last two months or so its been like this everyday we have been doing it everyday many time 2 times a day and on the weekends 2-3x times day. My husband has always had a high drive and hes always be EXTREMELY touchy feeley with me, but now its me I cant get enough, he cant keep up. I know women hit their peeks later, and I am at that age or whatever, but from 4 times a week to 2x a day and I still want more. Whats going on
ANSWER: Thank you for your question. You already answered your question, you knew instictivley knew what was going on and all you really need are some techniques to deal with the situation.
The cycles of life take us in a variety of different directions, including sexually. When one partner has a higher sex drive than the other the mitigating factors to balance the relationship has to be foreged in love and respect. The fact that your husband is older and has a lower sex drive can be enhanced but his health also must be considered. He can take testosterone supplements to increase his levels but you need to be a little careful in how those supplements affect his overall health and well being. For the most part he will be fine and even thrive under their use.
Better planing may be an issue, especially in light of your son's presence. it is important to maintain your sexual life and in some degrees allow your son to see the love you two have for each other but obviously not in a graphic way, he need to know what healthy is and what to seek for as he moves toward relationships, keeping what is sacred and loving at the forefront of his mind as he matures.
Another strategy to balance your needs and your husbands needs is to prolong the sexual encounter. Letting him stimulate you for longer periods of time, enhancing your pleasure and reducing your need for constant sex. He will most likely take great pleasure in pleasing you and this may have the added effect of enhancing his libido as well.
The most important strategy to remember is remembering the love you have for each other and the need to serve each other as they need it most. There will be a time in the near future when all this changes and the focus of attention should be to your spouse as his focus should be to you.
I hope this helps.
Please let me know if I can help further.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Ok thank you for the wonderful well thought out answer, the reason I asked you in particular, is I suppose my question is two fold, first is this some kind of addiction or what because the first time we had sex in the middle of the day with our son home, he knocked on the door, I told my husband never again with him in the living room like that, then the very next day we did it twice when he was home and awake, and pretty much every day since. I suppose its not a sex addiction thing, thank goodness, its just a high sex drive which has now some how far surpassed my husbands. My second question is my son is 17, the good thing is he is old enough to know what goes on, the bad news is hes old enough to know what goes on. At first I was hesitant to have sex with our son wide awake in the next room, my husband said it was fine because hes old enough to understand, I am starting to agree with him more and more, like today, for example my husband came home from work, we kissed a little on the couch and I said "you ready" and we went into our bedroom, a few minutes later my son knocked on the door and asked is dad home? I said "We are in here and we are having a private time" we came out had dinner, we cleaned up started another make out session which my son walked in on, and I said "Dad and I are going into the bedroom for another private time, do you need anything before we lock our door? Please dont knock then" Like I try to clean it up but hes 17 he clearly knows what "private time" is from a teens perspective, whats going on in his mind knowing his parents are doing it this much and cant keep their hands off Of each other.
Finally, like I said I am 39 I am in good shape I am petite and tiny, since my sex drive has blasted past my husband I am actually wanting to do something to amp him up a bit, Like I said im teeny and petite so I think it would look cute to start dressing a little sexier, maybe some mini skirts, some low cut tops, yoga pants look great on me, maybe trade in my white cotton brief panties for some sexy little thongs stuff like that. We are going on a family vacation and I was thinking about trying a tiny skimpy bikini. I have included the links to the two i was going to buy, what would my sons reaction be to the bikinis and dressing sexier in general? Do you think these are still appropriate like they dont let too much hang out right lol?
and maybe a skirt like thiss http://www.charlotterusse.com/printed-bodycon-mini-skirt/302114943.html?dwvar_30
How will my son react to this sudden change in style in your professional opinion.
ANSWER: The only concern I have is in the "family vacation" if it is truly a family vacation perhaps the more revealing cloths should be left when your son is not a part of the every day activities. They are fine to wear when it is only the two of you. Your son may not fully understand the feelings your dealing with or your need to dress more sexy.
My advise would be to reserve those new cloths for another vacation or weekend get aways with your husband. He will appreciate all the examples you shared with me and I suspect he would like even more skimpy examples to push his libido through the roof.
The issue of the family as opposed to you and your husband is that you need to consider your son's feelings and level of comfort and he should not be subjected to overt levels of sexuality between the two of you during that vacation. I am not saying that you two need to be reserved between the two of you but try to keep it under control while your with your son or within his proximity.
children of almost any age do not do well with overt behaviors of sexuality between their parents and parents should try to respect those boundaries in a way that allows them to love each other as they choose but to do so in such a way that it does not offend the children.
You need to find time to be alone and he needs to respect those times you chose to be alone. create times when you can meet each other at a hotel, motel. make it a game or even use role playing but keep your son away from those activities.
You really don't need to tell him at all, just tell him your going shopping or out on a date with Dad, you will then be free to do whatever you like without the problems associated with him being in the next room.
Perhaps you could get him involved in other activities to get him away from the house leaving you more time together without his interruptions...
Be creative, have fun and enjoy the heightened level of sexuality your experiencing but remember that your son comes first ...he will only be with you for a short time to come. Be more sneaky and be more creative about how you two get together but please spare him the direct exposure to your sexual exploits.
Yours is a great problem to have ...enjoy it and good luck.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you this really is great advice, I think in regards to the clothing is the only thing we see differently, I think I should mention, we are going on vacation to our condo in florida, its a two bedroom condo one for us and one for our son, so no its not like would be overtly sexual in front of him. Its our son, I was uncomfotable with having sex with him awake until a few months ago lol. Also my son has a dear friend that lives within 5 minutes so he hangs out with him a lot so when I am wearing those bikinis its mostly for my husband, yea there may be times when our son is on the beach with us, but mostly he will be surfing with his buddy, and my hubby and I will be by ourselves, I am wearing the bikinis to get him amped up so we can go back to the condo and lock our doors not to get him amped up to put a show on esp. in front of our son. I got another opinion from a female Dr. and she said the bikinis are a great idea, but she also knew the whole circumstance, yes its a family vacation, as in we are all going together but my son will often times be out doing his own ting with his friend he only gets to see twice a year. Does that make sense, I have ordered the bikinis, do you think they are too skimpy? I was going to try them on and if they looked cute I would try them on and get my sons opinion, I have really never worn anything like that not since I was 25. Knowing what you know now does it change your opinion at all? What about the skirt, whats wrong with that? and trading in my "granny panties" haha for some sexy little thongs, my son wouldnt even know I was wearing them, he would only find out when he does his one chore a week the laundry haha! Additionally the hotel idea is great and I am going to share that with my husband and we will do that and have all day sexcapades if thats a word, but I cant do that every day, and I am not kidding when I tell you i get the urge 2-3 times a day now. In the middle of the day i start daydreaming about what we can do tonight. I cant go to a hotel every night, what should I say when we are having "private time" and my son knocks on the door, tell him before sometimes because otherwise he knocks and interrupts, he knows were having sex right? Should I just come out and say it next time he knocks on our door? Thanks so much.
I understand,thank you for the clarification. I would not recommend getting your son's opinion however, just wear them.
Also in relation to your being inturuptedone it would be better for all of you if you sat him down and told him what was going on, how your feeling and how important it is to keep those feelings within reserved for the person you love...your husband. ..we need our time together so when the door is locked wait until we come out.
You can be honest and blunt ..he is 17.
I wish all my questions were this positive