AboutJames Windell Expertise I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.
Experience I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.
I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.
I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for the Oakland Press for 21 years, and my columns also appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 12 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, and 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER. My latest parenting book is THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. I have appeared on over 175 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at Jameswindell.com
Question dont worry about the delay. i just dont think grounding a very logical way to discipline your children for extended periods of time. its like jail-i dont believe there should be jails for criminals, but required schools. so they know what they did was wrong. all jails do is create more crime. do you thik they should let me see my girlfriend while im grounded?
-------------------------
Followup To
Question -
My name is Josh.im 17 years old. on June 1st this year, i got arrested because me and my friend got caught cutting down a tree in a public park. I was grounded for 3 weeks. It seemed a little harsh considering what i actually did. I didnt even really do the cutting, i somewhat helped but i didnt really do anything wrong in my opinion. a tree belongs to nobody. Well, anyway its been past the 3 weeks and it was a living hell. i felt like this sort of punishment isn't mentally healthy over long periods of time. Also, my parents have found out me and my girlfriend have had sex. I wasnt grounded for that, but me and her can only stay on the main level of our house. She was allowed to come over sometimes when i was grounded. Now, today I was at the skatepark with my dad and brother. There's a sign that says to not enter the area without pads. I broke this rule a couple times, but i didnt even realize i was doing anything wrong. It just slipped my mind. I was supposed to be grounded the rest of the day. Yeah it seems reasonable. But then my mom read in my journal i have about how i changed the prices on the records i bought at an antique mall from like $2-3 to $1.They FREAKED out. they said they dont know what to do with me anymore. They said im grounded until further notice, maybe the rest of the summer, which i think is ridiculous. I just dont understand how they beleive that grounding me teaches ANY child a lesson. after a while, it wears off.all it does is make kids angry. i just think they're bad parents. i mean i have a past of doing little stupid stuff and getting in trouble but its gotten real bad since i got arrested.my parents seem to add things up over a long period of time and then punish me. i dont think its right. i mean i feel bad enough after they yell at me. i mean i hate my dad. hes hit me and my mom before when i was younger. im on the edge of just running away till school starts again. i cant take my dad much longer. another thing is how i dress. it makes them furious. their pastor said to just let me go through this "phase" and they do. i had dyed my hair black and then bleached it so it was orange. now my dad wont let me dye my hair anymore. says i need to grow up.i dress very differnet than alot of the other kids at school. my parents yell at me all the time about it.they're just these slef centered upper-middle class jerks.money is the most important thing to them. for them money = happiness. i dont believe that.my dad thinks he is always right and its just so frusttrating. PLEASE HELP ME
Answer -
Hello Josh,
Sorry for the long delay in responding, but I've been on vacation.
I think it's important to realize that parents do the best they can. Often, if they do things that are inappropriate (like hitting their kids), it's because they often don't know what else to do.
I'm glad to see that you admit that you do make some mistakes. Most teenagers do. You're making some fairly serious ones (like participating in cutting down a tree in a park). I think that you have to try to put yourself in your parent's shoes: what would you do if your adolescent made mistakes?
Grounding and putting restrictions on teens is a very common punishment. But what I think you need to realize is that just like you your parents make mistakes. What would be worse is if they did nothing and just let you make mistakes. It's only parents who care for their children who do anything. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't.
I'd be glad to answer any other questions you have.
Best,
James Windell
Answer Hi Josh,
I think parents have basically about five choices when disciplining teens.
1. To ignore inappropriate behavior.
2. To scold or use a reprimand.
3. To reason (explain why it's wrong or inappropriate).
4. To remove privileges or activities (grounding).
5. To impose an unpleasant task.
So, the job of a parent is to decide which one fits for the situation.
Should they let a teen see a girlfriend while grounded? It depends. I think most "punishments" should be short and over with fairly quickly. But if it's a grounding (and if that means you can't see friends) then they should stick to that.
Best,
James
