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Parenting --Teens/My 12-year-old daughter is out of control

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Paula wrote at 2014-08-08 00:35:58
That is crazy.  Your daughter needs intervention RIGHT NOW.  There is no time allowed.  Trust in the fact I wanted to smack the crap out of my kid like my mom did.. and worked.  The world suffered greatly when "time out" was introduced.  Our parents handled things differently and we wound up ok. Knock the crap outta her and if she can't respect you, then she can fear you.  If you don't...follow my example with the talking and feeling out issues.  I have a grandson.  


mark wrote at 2016-03-23 06:28:39
Hi my name is mark,

I have a 12 year old daughter and have had sole custody of her since she was 6. I stumbled upon this because I freaked out about hearing that my daughter was just holding hands with a boy at school. But once I read this I feel a little relieved she hasn't gone to far or maybe? I don't let my daughter go anywhere not even for a slumber party. Every Saturday morning we dump the trash and go to yard sales, we sometimes go to church but rare. I wont let her have a facebook or even be in social media. It's bad enough she's being judged at school by peers for 8 hours why extend it. Every time I'm outside cuting the lawn or tremming trees she is expected to be productive with me no questions asked. I have taught her to do her own wash and set her own alarm for school. I don't make a whole lot but she wants to take boxing classes I think its okay but only to teach her to be more assertive and maybe knowing how far she can push her body she better understand what she can accomplish. Yes I still believe in spanking but only for direct disobedience. Yes I understand kids say things or give looks but they better do it lol. My daughter wakes up at 5:50 am to catch the bus at 6:13am and gets home at 4:45pm that's a long day but it doesn't stop she has chores and then we have at least 45 min of devotional to reflect anything negative or positive things through the day. She is allowed to be on YouTube and 9 times out of 10 she is looking up nail styles or hair styles. I have been upfront with her since she was about 9 on every aspect of life as I see it. I warn her in detail about boys, men, and sexual preditors, I have shown her court cases and articles on what happens in the world. I guess the answer to your question is maybe your daughter should read this and realize there is life beyond cells,friends,social life. You need to get to core of her understanding and beliefs. Don't tolerate for one second of yelling or direct disobedience. I believe the faster you incorporate a strong bond by drawing a line and teaching what are the yes and no's. I know maybe it might be a little extreme but I even make my daughter write her own food list of things we can make and have her go with me to pick it out and she pays and counts the correct change. I believe our youth are coming out more and more irresponsible these days by having kids at young ages I figure why not teach her to be self reliant earlier. She knows how to fix a flat and change the oil. She knows the meaning of money and instead of buying cool shoes she wants that new book but being she has been responsible I buy her the shoes anyways. I have taught her there isn't anything for free in this world and there's always something in it for someone. She knows how to haggle and matter a fact after 2 hours at dealership she told the man the numbers didn't add up so she walked out and I followed. Yes when I got her at a young age she was disobedience and fought tooth and nail for tv bedtime for sweets for toys for anything under the sun but now she settles for a good night hug and kiss at 9 pm. This goes for anyone out there if your son or daughter is getting so bad that they are fighting in school , punching and screaming for games and movies or money, SEND THEM TO A BOARDING SCHOOL OR A FACILITY THAT WILL READJUSTMENT THERE MIND. But don't wait to long because I believe once they are 15 or 16 and there doing this you should no matter what send them to a boarding school then military. Because if they come back home they will just run away and you have failed as a parent. Plus I much rather my kid be in the military honoring the country and me instead of on the street either way there fighting and the other way at least there fighting for something and making a career out of it.  


mark wrote at 2016-03-23 06:28:50
Hi my name is mark,

I have a 12 year old daughter and have had sole custody of her since she was 6. I stumbled upon this because I freaked out about hearing that my daughter was just holding hands with a boy at school. But once I read this I feel a little relieved she hasn't gone to far or maybe? I don't let my daughter go anywhere not even for a slumber party. Every Saturday morning we dump the trash and go to yard sales, we sometimes go to church but rare. I wont let her have a facebook or even be in social media. It's bad enough she's being judged at school by peers for 8 hours why extend it. Every time I'm outside cuting the lawn or tremming trees she is expected to be productive with me no questions asked. I have taught her to do her own wash and set her own alarm for school. I don't make a whole lot but she wants to take boxing classes I think its okay but only to teach her to be more assertive and maybe knowing how far she can push her body she better understand what she can accomplish. Yes I still believe in spanking but only for direct disobedience. Yes I understand kids say things or give looks but they better do it lol. My daughter wakes up at 5:50 am to catch the bus at 6:13am and gets home at 4:45pm that's a long day but it doesn't stop she has chores and then we have at least 45 min of devotional to reflect anything negative or positive things through the day. She is allowed to be on YouTube and 9 times out of 10 she is looking up nail styles or hair styles. I have been upfront with her since she was about 9 on every aspect of life as I see it. I warn her in detail about boys, men, and sexual preditors, I have shown her court cases and articles on what happens in the world. I guess the answer to your question is maybe your daughter should read this and realize there is life beyond cells,friends,social life. You need to get to core of her understanding and beliefs. Don't tolerate for one second of yelling or direct disobedience. I believe the faster you incorporate a strong bond by drawing a line and teaching what are the yes and no's. I know maybe it might be a little extreme but I even make my daughter write her own food list of things we can make and have her go with me to pick it out and she pays and counts the correct change. I believe our youth are coming out more and more irresponsible these days by having kids at young ages I figure why not teach her to be self reliant earlier. She knows how to fix a flat and change the oil. She knows the meaning of money and instead of buying cool shoes she wants that new book but being she has been responsible I buy her the shoes anyways. I have taught her there isn't anything for free in this world and there's always something in it for someone. She knows how to haggle and matter a fact after 2 hours at dealership she told the man the numbers didn't add up so she walked out and I followed. Yes when I got her at a young age she was disobedience and fought tooth and nail for tv bedtime for sweets for toys for anything under the sun but now she settles for a good night hug and kiss at 9 pm. This goes for anyone out there if your son or daughter is getting so bad that they are fighting in school , punching and screaming for games and movies or money, SEND THEM TO A BOARDING SCHOOL OR A FACILITY THAT WILL READJUSTMENT THERE MIND. But don't wait to long because I believe once they are 15 or 16 and there doing this you should no matter what send them to a boarding school then military. Because if they come back home they will just run away and you have failed as a parent. Plus I much rather my kid be in the military honoring the country and me instead of on the street either way there fighting and the other way at least there fighting for something and making a career out of it.  


mark wrote at 2016-03-23 06:29:04
Hi my name is mark,

I have a 12 year old daughter and have had sole custody of her since she was 6. I stumbled upon this because I freaked out about hearing that my daughter was just holding hands with a boy at school. But once I read this I feel a little relieved she hasn't gone to far or maybe? I don't let my daughter go anywhere not even for a slumber party. Every Saturday morning we dump the trash and go to yard sales, we sometimes go to church but rare. I wont let her have a facebook or even be in social media. It's bad enough she's being judged at school by peers for 8 hours why extend it. Every time I'm outside cuting the lawn or tremming trees she is expected to be productive with me no questions asked. I have taught her to do her own wash and set her own alarm for school. I don't make a whole lot but she wants to take boxing classes I think its okay but only to teach her to be more assertive and maybe knowing how far she can push her body she better understand what she can accomplish. Yes I still believe in spanking but only for direct disobedience. Yes I understand kids say things or give looks but they better do it lol. My daughter wakes up at 5:50 am to catch the bus at 6:13am and gets home at 4:45pm that's a long day but it doesn't stop she has chores and then we have at least 45 min of devotional to reflect anything negative or positive things through the day. She is allowed to be on YouTube and 9 times out of 10 she is looking up nail styles or hair styles. I have been upfront with her since she was about 9 on every aspect of life as I see it. I warn her in detail about boys, men, and sexual preditors, I have shown her court cases and articles on what happens in the world. I guess the answer to your question is maybe your daughter should read this and realize there is life beyond cells,friends,social life. You need to get to core of her understanding and beliefs. Don't tolerate for one second of yelling or direct disobedience. I believe the faster you incorporate a strong bond by drawing a line and teaching what are the yes and no's. I know maybe it might be a little extreme but I even make my daughter write her own food list of things we can make and have her go with me to pick it out and she pays and counts the correct change. I believe our youth are coming out more and more irresponsible these days by having kids at young ages I figure why not teach her to be self reliant earlier. She knows how to fix a flat and change the oil. She knows the meaning of money and instead of buying cool shoes she wants that new book but being she has been responsible I buy her the shoes anyways. I have taught her there isn't anything for free in this world and there's always something in it for someone. She knows how to haggle and matter a fact after 2 hours at dealership she told the man the numbers didn't add up so she walked out and I followed. Yes when I got her at a young age she was disobedience and fought tooth and nail for tv bedtime for sweets for toys for anything under the sun but now she settles for a good night hug and kiss at 9 pm. This goes for anyone out there if your son or daughter is getting so bad that they are fighting in school , punching and screaming for games and movies or money, SEND THEM TO A BOARDING SCHOOL OR A FACILITY THAT WILL READJUSTMENT THERE MIND. But don't wait to long because I believe once they are 15 or 16 and there doing this you should no matter what send them to a boarding school then military. Because if they come back home they will just run away and you have failed as a parent. Plus I much rather my kid be in the military honoring the country and me instead of on the street either way there fighting and the other way at least there fighting for something and making a career out of it.  


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James Windell

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I am a parent trainer, psychotherapist, and author specializing in parenting issues.During the past 40 years I`ve worked with parents with discipline problems and challenging children. I give frequent lectures and workshops related to discipline, social skills, and aggressive children. I consult with various agencies and schools where there are child behavior problems. I am listed in the American Psychological Associations` media panel as an expert on parenting and am frequently quoted in leading magazines and newspapers.

Experience

I have worked in a juvenile court as a clinical psychologist and as a psychotherapist in private practice. In the Oakland County (MI) Juvenile Court, I developed an award-winning parent training program for parents of adolescent delinquents. In addition I have done group therapy with adolescent delinquents using a social skills-building model. I have consulted with courts, schools, churches, preschools, and domestic violence shelters in areas of parenting.

I received my BA with a major in Psychology in 1963 from Wayne State University. I got my MA in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University in 1972.

I am a member of the American Psychological Association and the Michigan Psychological Association. I have written pamplets, newspaper articles, and professional journal articles. I have been the Coping With Kids columnist for several newspapers for 26 years, and my columns appear weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been the author or co-author of 16 books. My books include, 8 WEEKS to A WELL-BEHAVED CHILD, CHILDREN WHO SAY NO WHEN YOU WANT THEM TO SAY YES, 6 STEPS TO AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT TEENAGER, and THE FATHERSTYLE ADVANTAGE. My most recent parenting book (2012) is THE EVETYTHING CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND DEVELOPMENT BOOK. I have appeared on over 180 radio and TV shows related to my books and parenting. For more information about me, my books and columns, go to my website at Jimwindell.com

Education/Credentials
I have an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University.

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