Aboutshanac Expertise Questions from parents who are noticing changes in their adolecent and think problems may be brewing, questions regarding specific problems they are already experiencing, information on warning signs if they think their child may be having problems, questions regarding fighting with parents, sibling rivlary, school problems, addiction problems, relationship issues (eg their child is in a relationship and parent has concerns), and anything else you can think of.
Experience 15 years working with an adolescent population providing counselling. I have probably worked with over 1000 clients in that time. Have been used to testify in court and write reports for sentencing.
Education/Credentials M.A. Counselling Psychology For a complete list of my credentials, visit my website at www.counselingappointment.com.
Question My 16 year old son has been stealing from me. Hundreds, if not thousands of dollars of jewelry...also things he could not possibly have any use for or sell, {unless it is to give to a girl} like makeup, skin care items, expensive shoes, etc. He denies it, but I know it is him. I have found some of my items under the sink in his bathroom before. Also, I have caught him placing charges with my credit card to play online games, and charging my paypal account to play online games. His father and I have been divorced 5 years and he is constantly complaining to my son about how much child support he has to pay me, and how I could not possibly be spending that much money on him. I have paid for half of his private school tuition for four years, and I also paid totally for him to go to Spain last summer with a group from his school to go to an intensive Spanish language program. These expenses cost me more than the child support I recieved. Also, you should know that I broke my neck two and a half years ago, and the following year had a major back surgery that has left me permanently disabled. Those two years were very rough for my son and I because all of the meds I was on made me, shall I say, somewhat delusional and paranoid. My mental state is fine now, but I'm afraid all of this has left him with some sort of psychological trauma. I don't know what to do since his father is unwilling to communicate with me much about our son, and he is now living with him during the school year, 75 miles away from me {I have him every other weekend and summers now}. His father has not been receptive to counseling for him in the past, nor was he for marriage counseling. I am worried sick about my son, nor can I afford to lose any more of my posessions, since I can no longer work and am in a financially dire situation. What should I do? I have also caought my son in other lies. No one would guess anything like this about him, since he has always been a very kind and compassionate kid. Volunteering at the senior centers, soup kitchens, etc.
Answer Hi Nancy, first put your expensive things away so he doesn't have the opportunity to take anything. Hide the credit cards. He should not have access to anything liek that. Who really knows why he is doing it, maybe he is angry, maybe he is selling the things to buy drugs, maybe he is giving it to a girl and so on (there could be numerous reasons). The reality is, you are somewhat trapped as you have little power to do anything because he doesn't live with you and because he is 16. When he stays with you during the summer it may be an idea to set up joint counselling for both of you. He may have had a lot of feelings about the rough years and could benefit from an opportunity to process them. If you could do it on the every other weekends, that would be a good idea as well. you can certainly frame it as a session for you and him to get along better. And for you to develop trust with each other. If you set it up as being about him, he probably won't go. Does he get an allowance or have some way of making money around the house? That may be useful. Hope that helps. If you need more info. let me know.
