AboutKelly Dyar Expertise I can answer questions on practical raising of children. I am a registered nurse, but will not answer questions that require a physician's evaluation and treatment. I can also address breastfeeding questions and cloth diapering questions.
Experience I am a mother of four children ranging in age from 12 years old to 1 year old. I have two sons and two daughters. I have also parented as a full time working mother, and as a stay at home mother.
Expert: Kelly Dyar Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: 15 Month old not sleeping
Question My 15 month old son is not sleeping. We has, until this point, been co-
sleeping in my bed as well as nursing through the night. We have
successfully stopped the nighttime feedings as I am trying to wean him
completely. If he is in my bed, he sleeps fairly well - waking just to make
sure we are with him and then right back to sleep. We have been trying to
make the transition to him sleeping in his own room. The first thing we tried
was putting him in his bed and leaving the room, returning to check on him
every 5-10 minutes. He screams until he throws up. We are now trying to
put him in his bed after reading and rocking him. I will stay in the room with
him sitting quietly. He cries each night for about 1.5 hours (calming only for
about five minutes at a time to play with his cribside mobile). After about 1.5
hours, he is so hysterical that I pick him up. I rock him and he falls asleep. I
then put him in his bed and leave. An hour later, he is awake. I rock him and
put him back in his bed. Another hour later, he is awake. I rock him and put
him back in his bed and he may sleep 3 hours before awaking again. At this
point I put him in bed with me as it is the middle of the night and everyone is
exhausted. Is this a sleep disorder issue or an attachment to being with me. I
really do not know what to do at this point as it seems he is not going to give
up and the crying does not stop. Thank you!
Answer How frustrated you sound in your question. A good night sleep is something that your entire family needs.
I have a couple of thoughts for you. First, since you've had several difficult nights I'm a little concerned that your son has begun to dread bedtime. So my first thought is to show him again that sleep is a good thing by allowing him several good nights of sleep with you again. This will show him that he doesn't need to fear or be worried and fretful over being asleep. I'm assuming that since you reference "We" in your question that you have assistance at home. If that's the case then the next thing I'll suggest if you go this gentler route is to have your husband help you during the night by helping enforce bedtime.
My next suggestion will probably be harder on both you and your son, but in two of my children has worked in very short time. The first thing you need to resolve is that bedtime is bedtime, and once your son is in his crib he does not come back out. Set your bedtime routine with him, but when it's time for the crib he goes in to it. You can stay beside his bed and talk softly to him and pat him on the back, even encourage him to lie back down if he gets up- but he does not come out of the bed. Do the same thing if he wakes up during the night-again he does not get out of the bed. Right now he knows that if he cries for you that you will come, take him out of the bed and give him attention. He knows if he keeps it up long enough he will get what he wants- which is back in your bed. Continue this for three nights, and then on the fourth night you can talk to him, but no more patting on the back. Same thing with middle of the night wakings- you can help him lie back down if necessary, but no getting out of the crib or patting on him. Again do this for three nights. On night four you'll put him in the bed, tell him good night, and then step several steps away from the bed so that you are halfway between the bed and the door. You can talk to him softly to encourage sleep, but only speak if he tries to get up or cries- otherwise simply just be a reassuring presence in the room. And same thing if he wakes during the night. Simply lie him back down and reassure him that all is well and you love him- but no removing him from the crib. I would recommend that you do this for three nights, but by this time (or at least with my two youngest) you will likely be where you can just tell him good night and leave the room. If you do have to carry it out for three full nights then on the fourth night you would put him down and stand at the door of the room.
With this method consistency is the key. You will have to resolve that he stays in the bed- and you will need the support of your husband as well. In fact if you do this then I would suggest that you and your husband begin to take turns at night so that your son can be comforted by either on of you at bedtime. It may work best for just one of you to handle bedtime, but during the night I suggest that you take one night each to be on baby duty- meaning that whoever has a turn tonight takes care of the baby no matter what, and the other parent gets to sleep all night. This makes struggling through the night a little bit easier because you know you have a full night sleep coming your way. It also helps with keeping anger towards your spouse at bay as you aren't dealing with a crying baby while your spouse sleeps in the next room. If it is your turn then you know it's your turn and not that he/she is just ignoring you.
I hope these suggestions help you and your baby have a great night sleep very, very soon. Please feel free to write back and let me know how things go!
