AboutJames Windell Expertise I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.
Experience I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association
Publications I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 12 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) and "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons). My latest two books, both published in 2006 are "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press.
My website at Jameswindell.com includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University
Awards and Honors Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.
Expert: James Windell Date: 7/16/2008 Subject: I need help with my 4 year old little girl!
Question Hello,
I am hoping you can help me. My daughter is 4, will be 5 in Sept. I struggle
greatly with her for many things, but one is most concerning to me. She is
having issues with doing things that she thinks she may fail at. Recently she
has been signed up for cheerleading, per her request. She has been very
excited to go to practice....when practice rolled around, she sat the whole
practice and cried because she claimed she could not do a front roll. She can
do a front roll, but would not try at all. This comes into play with most of her
daily activites. She also is doing a 4 day dance camp for 2 hours, and the
teacher just told me today that she would not participate in some activites
because the first time she tried, she "failed" or did not win the game. I am
struggling very much with this and I do not know how to help and make this
better, I am afraid I may make it worse. She also goes to a counseler once a
week to help deal with her emotional issues. The counsler said to ignore this
behavior...but I feel there has to be a way to help her with this. The worst is,
I don't even know why this is happening! I am desperate to help her, please
help!
Thank You
Kellen
Answer Hello Kellen,
Children of all ages (not to mention a lot of teens and a few adults) struggle with needing to win or to be good at what they try.
The counselor may be right. However, if you want to do something, then offer to be supportive.
The way to do this is to let her know before she attends practice or goes to camp that you have a lot of confidence in her being able to do the things she's assigned. However, you can add that if she'd rather watch others do things, that's okay too. You can say that you're sure when she's ready to try things you know that she will jump in and show others how well she can do things.
You can also let her know that it's okay to fail at things and it's okay to be afraid to try things. That even children older than her are afraid sometimes at failing.
However, keep in mind that this isn't a reflection on you. With your support, though, I'm sure she will eventually try difficult things and probably do quite well.
Best,
James Windell
