AboutJames Windell Expertise I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.
Experience I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association
Publications I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 12 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) and "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons). My latest two books, both published in 2006 are "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press.
My website at Jameswindell.com includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University
Awards and Honors Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.
Expert: James Windell Date: 7/8/2008 Subject: My toddler is acting out!
Question I have a two year old girl and a eight month old son. My girl has always loved her brother and shown him love. But just in the last couple of days her behavior towards him is out of control and I have no idea why. She takes toys from him in a rough way and causes him to get hurt. She pushes him over when he pulls himself up on furniture. And worst of all my husband and I have caught her sitting on his stomach or back and pushing down on him so hard she is shaking. This is really disturbing to us and we have no idea what to do or how we should handle this behavior. She always has been a challenge but never to this degree. We are concerned for our boy's safety. Nothing has changed recently, in our day to day activities. She has always been a normal two year old with her acting out such as yelling NO when she is upset. But this is different. We have both sat down with her and explain to her that her brother is a baby and he will get hurt. We tell her to play nice and share and to be very careful to see he doesn't get hurt. And then following our talks, we sit on the floor with both of them and show her how to interact with him and how to play nice and gentle. But it doesn't seem to work, she goes right back on doing it. I am talking about 15-25 times a day I am breaking her off of him and have to have her play somewhere else. If you have any advice on how to discipline her for these actions, we need it. Thanks you so much.
Megan
Answer Hello Megan,
There doesn't have to be a real cause or a reason for your daughter's aggression towards her brother. Other than that she is a two-and-a-half-year-old toddler.
Of course, older siblings do get jealous of their younger siblings and they get physical with them. Fortunately, your son is not that far behind her and in a year or so will be able to defend himself. That reminds me of my son and daughter. My daughter was a couple of years older than my son. He was a placid baby and toddler and put up with teasing and meanness from his older sister. When he was about two or two-and-a-half, he apparently had had it with her teasing him when he was playing with a wooden car. He just whacked on the side of the head with it. I pretended I didn't see it and I wasn't real sympathetic whern she started crying. But she clearly got the message: brother is no longer going to let you make his life miserable. (The long term consequences? By the time he was in middle school, she was his friend and protector. Now, both are adults and they still really like -- and defend -- each other.)
It's unlikely your daughter is going to seriously hurt him, but until he's able to protect himself, you have to monitor her behavior when they're together. I like everything you're currently doing and suggest you continue doing that. I would recommend that after she has sat on him or been physical with him, that you ignore her and give him lots of sympathy and care. Later, when he's soothed, then you can deal with her. But she shouldn't get a lot of attention immediately when she's hurt him; there's the risk that will reinforce her behavior. She should get more praise and attention when she is kind or loving towards him.
Please let me know if you have further questions.
Best,
James Windell
