AboutEleanor Formaggio Expertise I can answer questions where practical advice is sought in relation to behaviour issues of 2-6 year olds. I specifically look at the influence of personality in a child's behaviour and tailor advice to suit the individual child and parent. This is useful since not all children are the same. I can suggest techniques for tantrums, child aggression and sibling rivalry and adapting to change.
Experience I am an experienced group facilitator and counsellor. I have been involved in setting up and facilitating community support groups for mothers for 6 years. I have three boys, ages 8, 6 and 2. I have spent alot of time observing personality differences in children and understanding how these differences can be used to make parenting easier. I developed the Early Childhood Personality Rating Scale for identifying child personality types in children as young as two. I am director of Parent with Potential. I developed and facilitate The Prechooler Personality Program and other parenting seminars so parents can better understand their children.
Organizations Counsellors and Psychotherapists Association (CAPA) in Australia.
Education/Credentials I have a Bachelors Degree in Applied Social Science (Counselling).
Past/Present Clients Parents of 2-6 year olds. Mothers with Postnatal Depression or anxiety attending a support group or seeking individual counselling or advice in relation to their child's behaviour.
Question I am a stay at home mother of a 2 1/2 year old boy. He is very smart and has a large vocabulary and has a memory better than mine it seems. Right now my husband and I are trying to combat his temper tantrums when he is told "no" or does not get his way with different things. His first reaction is to hit or kick, me mainly. he knows that it is not "ok" because sometimes he will do it from a distance and then get closer and actually hit or kick me. I try to put him in timeout but he runs up behind me after I put him on his bed and hits me or tries to kick me as I am leaving the room. He doesn't want me to leave the room but he doesn't want to be nice to me either. I think he wants the attention good or bad. But it is so hard when I am with him all day and he gets my attention. He responds more to his father and will listen to him better, but he is starting to become braver with him and will push his buttons now too. I have tried many different things but nothing seems to work right now. Ignoring at first, positive reinforcement, We try to give him choices but once he gets going he just wants to hit or kick. I tried using a timer but he doesn't get that either.I know there are things I need to work on my self. A little more patience and keep putting him back in time out, when I get frustrated not to raise my voice, and be consistent. Is there any thing else that I am missing? I am out of ideas. Will things get better? I don't want him to grow up hating me. Thank you Kathy
Answer Hi Kathy,
Most children listen more to one parent than another so this is not uncommon. Both of you as parents need to agree on a strategy or strategies, since fathers sometimes find one type of discipline, such as timeout, easier than a mother or vice versa.
I would suggest if he is kicking or hitting that you say firmly, 'that is not nice', 'I am not talking to you until you say sorry' and then ignore him and remove yourself from the situation. Even if you have to put yourself in the bathroom or bedroom and relax while he finishes his tantrum. It will probably escalate but let him go until he is willing to apologise. Some children need this outlet and at age four or five they can reason a little better. Hopefully, however, if he is not getting any attention he will get the message eventually, try it for a few days and it should get less.
It won't make him hate you more and some children do just hit, as unnacceptable as it is. It is probably a phase and he is still young.
Please follow up if you need to. Kind Regards, Eleanor.
