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About James Windell
Expertise
I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.
Experience
I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.
Organizations
American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association
Publications
I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 12 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) and "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons). My latest two books, both published in 2006 are "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press.
My website at Jameswindell.com includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.
Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University
Awards and Honors
Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.
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You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of Multiples > Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers > 1 year old
Expert: James Windell - 10/29/2009
Question
I am currently taking care of two one year olds, a two year old, and a 3 1/2 year old. The two one year olds take turns crying most of the day. The boy cries anytime he doesn't get his way or if he is spoken to about taking toys from the other children. The girl cries any time I am out of her direct line of sight and if I won't carry her around. The two year old is very quiet and his speech is hard to understand but otherwise is very amicable and he and the 3 1/2 year old get along quite well.
In the case where little ones are continually crying to get attention or to get what they want what do you suggest. They are both roughly 18 months old.
By lunch time I am so ready for them to have a nap just to get a break from the constant crying.
Please advise.
Answer
Hello Carolyn,
I can certainly understand why you'd be ready for a break from these children.
Of course, this is not uncommon behavior for children between ages one and three. But it is stressful for their care-givers.
Often such behavior is learned behavior. That is, they've been reinforced in their crying. So, that's the first aspect to look at: how can you teach them new behaviors?
One way to go about this relearning process is to refuse to pick up either child when they are crying. So, if the girl cries to be held, you do not pick her up when she is crying. If she asks (I don't know if she has enough language to ask to be picked up) or gestures, then you may choose to pick her up -- as long as she is not crying. If she is crying, simply say, "I don't pick up crying children." Then wait for her to stop crying before picking her up.
Handle the boy in a similar way. Although he may not want to be picked up, he may cry when he doesn't get his way. Thus, if he doesn't get what he wants, don't allow him to get what he wants as long as he is crying. Again, you can begin establishing your expectations with all the children by saying, "Children who are crying do not get their way."
In general, do not reinforce crying behavior. Obviously, if a child were seriously hurt and wailing, you would pick them up or cuddle them for comfort, but short of that do not make eye contact or speak to a child who is crying.
I think this is enough to get you started. Get back to me with further questions or concerns.
Best,
James Windell
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