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About James Windell
Expertise
I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.
Experience
I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.
Organizations
American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association
Publications
I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 12 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) and "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons). My latest two books, both published in 2006 are "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press.
My website at Jameswindell.com includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.
Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University
Awards and Honors
Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.
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You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of Multiples > Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers > 4year old boys aggression
Expert: James Windell - 11/2/2009
Question
Our 3rd child a 4 year old boy is so volatile, his moods change so quickly, one minute he is loving, cuddly and does as he is asked the next he is shouting, hitting, and is basically awful. He often just wakes up like it even if he has slept fine. He started school last term but only half days till Jan, He is fine at school he is able to control himself whilst he is there but i dread picking him up as he is usually cross and very bad tempered as soon as he gets out of the school gates. We have a happy family life and don't have any problems with our 11yr old girl or 6yr old boy its just our 4yr old that makes our life so awful at times as there isn't a day that goes by without him having an aggressive outburst or 2,or 3 or a whole day of horridness! We use the time out method when he does something he shouldn't and it does work to calm him down but it doesn't stop the frequency of the outbursts. He looks alot older than his age, his speech is very good, he learns things very quickly and has amazing physical strength and capability and generally has no fear of anything or anyone and has a no care attitude alot of the time. I am very worried about him as i just don't understand him. I hope you can help. Thanks helen
Answer
Hello Helen,
Your son may have a temperament that disposes him to cross moods. Or it could be that he is a boy who is very sensitive to stress and he reacts to stress with angry outbursts and disagreeable moods, attitudes and behavior.
While time-out might be useful to remove him from a situation where he's reacting badly, time-out doesn't teach him how to control his outbursts. That teaching has to come from you. You can teach him to express his frustration, stress, and anger in different ways. You want to encourage him to put his feelings into words, rather than physical actions.
But you can also teach him ways to self-soothe and calm himself. You can teach him out to use deep breathing and how to use meditation or relaxation to calm himself when he begins to get frustrated or angry.
Since he has many fine qualities and he is a quick learner, these attributes can be an advantage -- for him and for you -- as you endeavor to teach him to handle his emotions in more appropriate ways.
Feel free to get back to me with further questions.
Best,
James Windell
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