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About James Windell
Expertise
I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.
Experience
I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.
Organizations
American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association
Publications
I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 12 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) and "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons). My latest two books, both published in 2006 are "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press.
My website at Jameswindell.com includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.
Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University
Awards and Honors
Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.
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You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of Multiples > Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers > receptive language delay in a 2 yr old
Expert: James Windell - 11/1/2009
Question
Hello,
My daughter is 24 months old, and she is a twin. She is behind in both her receptive and expressive language skills (per the CDSA who came and evaluated her), >2.0 SD below mean for total language skills. In addition, she is delayed in fine motor skills (not stat. significant), and is just "touchy" in general. She never liked to cuddle as an infant, although this has improved dramatically in the past 2-3 months. She screams when we wipe her face or brush her teeth. She has always been very interactive socially and has no problem with eye contact.
She was born @ 36 weeks and weighed 5.8 lbs. Pregnancy was good, natural birth. She is just way behind in expressing herself and receiving instructions that we give her. She has 5 words she uses, although she may say something once and never repeat it. In contrast to her twin brother, she is behind. I just wonder about long term behavioral problems. She already throws herself on the floor and screams when she is mad. I also don't know how to discipline her because I'm not sure that she "gets it." I am also wondering about adding fish oil to her diet. I would love to hear any thoughts that you have on this subject.
Thank you,
Shawna
Answer
Hello Shawna,
Your daughter is only 24 months old. That is too young to do a speech evaluation, except to make observations and record how many words she uses. Many children her age are similar to her; that is, they don't have many words and don't express themselves in clusters or combinations of words. And be aware of the wide variations there are in children's motor and language skills between one year and four years of age. At age two, some children are saying one or two words, while others are talking in sentences. However, all with grow up to be able to converse adequately.
Her touchiness simply indicates that her temperament is such that she does not enjoy being touched or cuddled. That's something to gradually work on over the years. Learning about massage with toddlers and using massage with her may help her learn to tolerate touching and cuddling.
Many -- if not most -- children during the toddlers years have temper tantrums. The reason why young children have tantrums is because they have poor emotional control. That is, they haven't learned how to control their emotions, deal successfully with frustration, or appropriately handle their anger. Those are tasks of the toddler years. By age four, most children have far fewer tantrums.
However, children who have difficulty verbally expressing themselves may sometimes have more tantrums because they are restricted in expressing what they want or expressing their frustration and anger. Your daughter's tantrums may be somewhat more frequent because of her inability to express herself well at this age. However, again, let me remind you that a great many two-year-olds are exactly like your daughter: they have few words in their vocabulary and have poor ability to express themselves except through crying, screaming, or throwing themselves on the floor.
Toddlers usually don't respond well to directions. Again, that's an important task to be developed during the toddler years. By age four, most toddlers understand and are able to respond to requests and directions.
I assume you have had her hearing checked to make sure that she hearing adequately. Does she gesture for what she wants? Does she let you know when she wants a drink of juice, for instance? If she she can gesture and make her wants known, then she is on her way to language. You can encourage and help her to say some of the words when she wants something. For example, you can say when she gestures: "Say juice. I want juice, Mommy."
But, it is too early to be concerned about long-term behavioral problems. Toddlers almost always present "behavioral problems," because they are learning to regulate their emotions and respond to direction. It is a learning process.
But I use the term "learning process" deliberately. Toddlers do not learn well through punishment. If you want to help her avoid real behavioral problems in future years, then avoid any punishments; certainly do not use physical punishment. Toddlers don't "get it" when you punish. Therefore, do use praise and attention to encourage the appropriate behaviors. Ignore inappropriate behaviors. Tantrums should basically be ignored. When she asks for something appropriately (given her limited language), use praise. When she listens or responds to directions, use praise.
I don't think fish oil is going to bring about any miracles. I'd simply suggest a healthy diet. She needs to be read to a lot and you should be talking to her and sharing things with her many hours a day. That's how children learn language.
I hope this helps. Any questions?
James Windell
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