AboutDr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski Expertise Parenting toddlers to preschoolers? Our cutting edge approach will turn "terrible two's" into "terrific two's & three's". We teach how to develop tools and skills that make parenting the little ones joyful and fun. Don't waste your little one's early childhood struggling with their behavior and "no" attitude. Learn how to move them beyond the "no" and into the "Go!". Simple, effective, spiritual (non-denominational) and powerful. These skills easily support growth into elementary and middle school years and teenage years.
Experience 19 years experience developing innovative program; over 12 years as a Parent Coach and Ministerial Counselor (non-denominational); 5 years developing and leading workshops and seminars on Parenting Success Strategies.
Publications The Local News; Lifestyles Marietta
Education/Credentials Ordained minister, with doctorate in divinity; incorporate training in Health Kinesiology and Educational Kinesiology Foundation in sessions.
Question Hi Dr. Wodzenski- Thanks in advance for taking the time to
read and respond to this. I'm a stay at home mom, and my 3
year old son and 18 month old daughter are both extremely
clingy to me. If we're at home, they will go in the next
room to play, but frequently "check in" back with me". The
real problem arises when we are out of the house- at
playdates, etc.... I'll bring them into a roomful of kids
and stay with them for a couple of minutes and then try to
leave the room, and they both lose it. I've tried warning
them that I'm leaving, and then they both scream no and try
to come with me. I've also tried sneaking out of the room,
and when they realize I'm gone, more screaming. My friends
children all seem so adaptable and easy-going, and it is
getting to be suffocating with my two kids all over me....I
would love to be able to go a bbq or something and not have
to hold one child and have the other one attached to my leg.
I recently put my son in a drop off class for 2 hours a
week, and it took 5 weeks of him going before he finally
stopped crying when I dropped him off.
Clearly this is something that I did, though since they have
both been born, I have encouraged their independence and
separation from me. I give them hugs and kisses and tell
them mommy always comes back, but it's not seem to be
working. I've exposed them to social situations their
whole lives and don't understand why they can't separate.
Do you have any other suggestions? I know there's going to
be a time when they are teenagers and won't want to be
around me, but at this point, it's getting ridiculous.
Thank you.
Answer Dear Lauren,
Congratulations on your wonderful family.
Your family is set up with you being the primary parent. So, your children have developed a reasonable dependence upon your being around to care for them. They are hooked in to you as part of their being happy and feeling safe. I don't blame them. You sound like an AWESOME MOTHER!
Some other families have other adults who help care for the children from the beginning. If a baby has always been cared for by grandparents, aunts and uncles, daddy and babysitter ... then that child comes to expect that from their world.
You have not set up your children to have an expectation and comfort with being left with others.
My children were clingy. My middle child was extraordinarily clingy.
BUT, know this !!!!! I have several dear friends who are just as loving and nurturing as I am. They become an important part of our family structure, and after a while could easily come in and watch the children so I could take a nap or go out for a while.
So, I recommend that you find that special person. Your children will be so happy to have another adult who is fun, loving, safe and nurturing. And you will be so happy to have a chance to breathe!
Dropping your child off in a strange place for a few hours a week sounds a bit horrifying to me - from the child's perspective. One minute you're the attentive and totally responsible parent, then your child is being left with strangers. This could really increase your child's insecurity and clingy tendencies..
HOWEVER, if you leave your child with trustworthy and loving friends or family, then your child will recognize the love and attention. It will be more likely to promote emotional stability and help decrease clingy tendencies..
I'm sending you a hug. I know you're such a great Mommy.
All mine are in their teens, and they're all driving! I'm so glad that I managed to remain loving and nurturing throughout their early childhoods. I don't regret for a moment that I put my children first, and that I even humored their clingy ways.
I promise, they grow out of the clingy phase as long as you remain healthy and supportive in the way you handle them.
I trust you to set up the right boundaries in your life, so your children are receiving the Mommy nurture they need, while you have some personal time and rest to help you be the best Mommy you can possibly be.
Keep up the great work! Please let me know if you have more comments or questions.
