AboutEvelyn Petersen Expertise I give parents advice that is candid, positive and practical. I give them ideas that work and that they can use immediately, not study. My advice is based on expertise and experience in the area of early childhood education that spans 40 years of work as a professional and as a parent and grandparent. See askevelyn.com
Experience
Past/Present clients Hundreds of parents and teachers in the US and other countries
Question I have a 27 month old son who is suddenly very unhappy at daycare. I am a high school teacher, so I am off for the summer, but I have been sending him to daycare two days a week all summer to hopefully keep him in the routine of it and to make going back full time in the fall less difficult. He has been attending the same day care since he was four months old. It is a place a really like- the director is very kind and really cares about the kids. My son is pretty clingy and attached to me. He has had some separation anxiety in the past- crying when I leave, etc, but I would call to check on him later and he would be fine a few minutes after I left. However, for the past week or so, he has been fine when I drop him off, and they say he is okay for about an hour, but then he starts crying for mommy. They say he keeps whining, crying and asking for me most of the morning. Today he even refused to eat lunch, and napped very briefly. But, after his nap, he is always much better and is actually happy and playing when I pick him up. We just cannot figure out what had caused this change. I have not yet returned to work full time, so that is not it, though the director feels he will do better once he is back going there every day. There are no new teachers, staff, or anything else we can figure out. There have not been any changes at home either. In general, I've noticed my boy is a little bit crankier, evern at home- he has had a few tantrums, which are unusual for him, and has had more trouble falling asleep than he used to. Is it possible that the alternating schedule for the summer- day care two days, home the rest of the week, could just be getting to him at this point? I must admit that when he is not in daycare his schedule has been pretty irregular, due to a vacation, special events, etc. Is it possible that he is just entering a crankier, fussier "two year old" kind of phase that he wasn't in before? Is it common for kids to suddenly develop unhappiness and an extreme desire for mommy at daycare when they have been okay in the same place before? Some family members have told me I am making him "clingier" because I spend just about all of my time with him when he is home, and even though I know it is not good, I still pretty much rock him to sleep most nights. I just never stopped becuase it was so pleasant for both of us. I know I need to teach him to sleep on his own, but is it possible that that is making it even harder for him to separate from me all of a sudden? I am so worried about him and I feel guilty that he is giving his teachers at day care so much grief. I have tried to talk to him about it, and even found a few books about going to school to try to get him thinking about the sequence of the day- and how he must play, eat lunch, have a nap and play more before mommy comes. But the weirdest thing is- why such a big problem now when it has not been before?
Thanks so much! I'd be grateful to hear any thoughts you might have.
Answer Dear Stephanie,
You have really thought of and examined all the possibilities I would have considered..except for one. There is just a chance that this is stemming from a physical problem. Many preschool children and expecially boys, have chronic ear infections that really don't hurt so much but the irritate and annoy the child instead of causing pain that they can point to or identify. Do have his ears and hearing checked, and get a phyical if possible as well. If the ear infection is the reasons, tubes may have to be put in the ear temporarily. Vicky Lansky has written some excellent books over the years, one of which deals with this ear problem and the proceedure to fix it. Find the book at amazon.com or at her site Book Peddlers.com
Other than that, you have explored every possibility. You know that there are no new staff, but is there a new child that may be bullying? It's just a thought. Perhaps more days there would help but I think it might be much more profitable if you try finding out if you can encourage a freindship between him and one or two of the children there that are close to his age. The staff should be sble to help with this. Have the children get together on off days or the weekend so that the freindship grows. Having a friend in the center will help. Evelyn PS I think that rocking is ok as long as the ritual includes a bedtime story in his bed and the goodnight tucking that follows. www.askevelyn.com
