Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/touching privates


My 3 yr old just told me that a week ago her cousin which is 8 put her finger in her private hole . My daughter knows no one is allowed to touch her private areas but since her cousin told her not to tell me she said she was scared. She said she told her not to and she still did. Well before she told us she told us that her private was hurting i thought because she was  putting bubbles in there during bath so just thought it wad irritated. She said that when her cousin took her finger out something wad on it and that she wiped it off. Should intake my daughter to her Dr to see if everything ok down there? Or should i just let it go seeing as i already told my aunt to talk to her laugh as she may have been curious or something.m husband said he just wants her to forget and move on please give me some advise?

Hello Jessica,
Of course, you may choose to have your daughter be examined by the pediatrician. You may feel better if you knew there was no physical damage. You may want to simply ask the doctor if she has an irritation or infection. if you report that another child touched your daughter inappropriately, the doctor may feel obligated to file a protective services report. You may not want this matter to go that far at this point.
However, you should make sure your aunt talks to the girl, and when your daughter is playing with her cousin in the future you should supervise them rather closely.
James Windell  


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James Windell


I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.


I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.

American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association

I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 16 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons), "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). My latest parenting book (2012) is "The Everything Child Psychology and Development Book." Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press. My website at includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.

B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University

Awards and Honors
Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.

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