Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/Toddler aggressive and bullying other kids

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Question
Hi,
My kid is 2.7 yrs. she  started speaking very early at almost 1 year and 3 months.
To speak about her positives she is so smart in grasping things that she use to recite rhymes both in our regional language and english almost 10 to 20. If I say the letter she can the word strts with the letter. Even in mixed order.
She was able to sing cine songs almost with the same rythm. All these wen she was just 1.5 yrs.
I strted singing rhymes and slogans right from the day she was born. After 1.5 yrs if I wanted to reach her something new. I use to repeat it several times for 3 to 4 days then she will reciprocate it.
She speaks so clearly. The real problem is her aggressiveness. I won't mind much if it was shown to me cos I know at this age it is common. But she is pushing and beating up other kids. She is even verbally threatening like police will take u and put in dark room( I use to scold her tat way wen she hits other kids) . I realised someway tat I shud stop threatening her and stopped it. But I go on say to her its not right. Sometimes I admit wen I'm alone at home I get so angry by the way she throws things and misbehaves I beat her which I later regret and I never did that till she was 2. I'm getting so upset an worried wen she completely misbehaves. I even notice that wen I say something she never listens but wen I'm so angry and beat her she responds better but she in turn shows aggressiveness over me. Icu don't tolerate the way she treats other kids. I often handle her very patiently in public, but the other kids parent gets irritated wen I'm patient or they strt scolding her bad girl which I know is not the right way to label kids. My husband always scolds wen I'm harsh at her at home but he himself scolds me wen I'm patiently handling her in public. I'm so worried if I'm handling my kid properly and will she become a bully. Me n my hubby never argue anything before her so her home is gud. But outside we use to say to others she too naughty difficult to handle before her which sometimes she notices. And when she bully other kids their parents scold her which we without anyother option listen to it and also wen one kids is soft they compare and criticise her I really get hurt and I knw for sure tats not gonna help her to improve. She loves watching videos so I've put many good behaviour videos which she enjoys. I've noticed one pattern wen some kids irritate her she gets angry and pushes them. Since only her aggressiveness is witnessed she gets scolded and wat the other kid did goes unheard. I always say to her if u get angry or irritated leave that place come to mom. You cannot touch others only u can give a handshake or hi-fi
Please please please help me. I'm ready to do whatever to make my kid control her emotions. I Cudnt tolerate others criticising her and the way the people around looking at her. I'm ready to even visit any parent counciling session if my handling is wrong or take my kid to any councelling. Pls help me out. I want my kid to be good and loving to everyone.
Thanks

Answer
Hi Radha,
I must appreciate the fact that you are an aware mother. Your concern as a mother is understandable however I do not feel the need for a face to face session.

Your daughter has a good sense of language what you need to do  is help her in expressing her emotions. For this you will also have to modify your ways of communication with your daughter (as she is picking you as her role model for now). Any event spend sometime with her asking about whether she liked being there or not? what is it that she liked the most in that gathering? What she disliked and why? then share your views also... In this way she will gradually understand how to express her emotions.
Practice this atleast for 15 days and write to me on nehavakil@gmail.com for further review.

Regards  

Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers

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Neha Aggarwal Vakil

Expertise

I am working as a consultant in Child Development and Education. And can answer questions pertaining to the development issues of children aged 0-8 years. The answers will be pertaining to the long term benefit of the children and the family on the whole. More doable by parents themselves, with little perseverance and will.

Experience

I have been working in various capacities with children both directly as well as indirectly. My major research area has been early childhood care and education.

Organizations
Indian Government based research organisations.

Publications
Presented papers on various National and International forums for Child Development on parent child interactions, parenting practices and providing appropriate stimulating environment.

Education/Credentials
Master's in Child Development, TA 101

Awards and Honors
NCERT fellow (a national apex body of government of India; Member Home Science Syllabus review Committee,NCERT

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