Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/Siblings good or bad


I can not really find a category this fits in, so I understand if it cant be answered. My "husband" and I have been together for almost 8 years, I say it in quotes because we are not legally married, life has sort of kept us away from planning that but we strongly consider ourselves married.

We are a very happy couple, with a wonderful 3 year old little boy. My issue is, I am dying to have another baby, it is pretty much in my mind all the time and is almost crushing when one of my friends says she is pregnant. My husband is not really on board, he wants to wait till after we are 30 so that we can have our "fun time" now and enjoy life. Everyone told him, after our first, that two or more and your life would be over and you would basically feel like you are drowning for the next 20 years.

I know I cant really change his mind, although I wish that I could. My biggest concern is our son, he is 3 and only goes to daycare when I have classes ( college for Pharm D.). He loves playing with other children and I do my best to get on the floor and play with him at home but I cant always spend hours pretend cooking and setting up train tracks.

At the rate my husband wants to go, our son will be 8 by the time we even think about having another one. I just am afraid that is such a big gap and I am nervous about resentment, as I was that way with my sister and wanted nothing to do with her. We had such a big gap that we never played together, never were really close.

Is there anything negative about having a big gap between children? I didnt plan on my son, but some how I got pregnant while on birth control and here he is. I always planned to have kids close together but my husband is ruining that for me and I do not want there to be a big negative effect when it finally does happen. So are there any negative things that come from such a gap?

Dear Amber,

You can quit worrying. I think it is easier to have babies further apart because in different developmental stages it is easier to meet their needs. Older children often love their younger siblings if they are included into the care giving activities, appointments etc. They need to see the ultra sound etc.

I teach infant massage and often will encourage parents to bring the older child in so they too can massage the baby.

Best Wishes!

Dr. Mary Kay Keller


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Dr. Mary Kay Keller


Ask me about my research on Fathers and their babies! I presented the only TED talk on Fathering to date. I answer questions concerning Infants & Toddlers & the developmental stages that they are in and referral information when necessary. It doesn`t matter what the psychological or emotional behavior they are exhibiting. What matters is that you ask the questions & search out solutions! My individual private confidential services are listed here. My books and creative arts are listed here Do come and visit today! Dr. Kellers' Blogging. Post your questions 24/7.

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I have worked with Infants & Toddlers of teen parents, single parents, parents, , military parents, gay parents, alternative caregivers & grandparents raising grandparents. I was trained as an Infant Massage Instructor and in the Nurturing Parenting Education program. I have knowledge of breastfeeding, developmental play, intuitive parenting, appropriate boundaries and rule setting with toddlers, potty training, and developmental stages. I work with all parents and caregivers of babies, toddlers and preschoolers.

Social Service Workers License, National Council on Family Relations, Nurturing Parenting Educator, Infant Massage Instructor

Loving Touch - Why Babies Need Massaged. International Attachment Parenting Journal Fathering Journal of Behavioral and Social Sciences

Education: A.A., B.S. Honors, (Psychology & Sociology), S.S.W., Masters, & PhD Child and Family Studies (bonding & attachment). Confidential services and books are on my website.

Awards and Honors
International Who's Who of Professionals & Honors in Psychology

Past/Present Clients
Parents, caregivers, grand-parents raising grand-children, foster & adoptive parents, single parents & teen parents, relative care and all who were caring for infant & toddlers!

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