Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/Dealing with grandparents and walking trouble with 10 month old
My girlfriend(Jazmyn) and I are both 17 years old and we have a 10 month old daughter (Lei) together. She's our first child and it probably goes without saying that she wasn't a 'planned' baby. She was born at 33 weeks due to complications. Jazmyn, Lei and I live with my parents 80% percent of the time since we just finished high school and my parents house is close to the school than her parents house. That is why Jazmyn and I have problems when it comes to being a parents. My parents both think that their way is the only correct way to raise a baby. They were helpful while Lei was in the hospital and after she came home so Jazmyn and I appreciate their help(including letting us live here for free so we can finish school). We've told them so. This time though we've really hit a wall on raising Lei.
Lei was a early crawler despite being born at 33 weeks. She had reached the point of pulling herself up on something to actually stand up and take a step or two holding onto something at almost 6 months. Notice I said had. She would try to pull herself up while holding onto anything like a table, couch or us but she also would try on things that weren't stable enough like the dinner table cloth, one of her toys or this body pillow my mom keeps in the living room. We always tried to catch her to keep her from falling when she used the unstable stuff but we couldn't do it every single time unfortunately so now she no longer will pull herself up on anything. She never physically got hurt badly or anything. She always landed on her butt and sitting up. She never actually fell flat on her back but Jazmyn and I figure she's afraid of fall again which is why she's stopped trying. She wants to be up on her feet though. She'll crawl over to us and raise her arms but if you pick her up she squirms until you put her back down but she keeps her legs straight so she can stand up while holding onto us.
Tonight my dad and I were watching TV while sitting on the couch. Lei crawled over to me and put her arms up. I told her it was okay to pull herself up. She didn't and after about 30 seconds she began crying. I offered my hand and kept telling her it was okay, trying to reassure her to take my hand and I'd help her, keep her from falling. She took my hand but wouldn't try to stand still so I kept trying to reassure her. All of this happened in like 2 minutes, not a long time at all. My dad got mad and yelled at me for ignoring my crying daughter who wanted me to hold her. I told him she didn't want to be held. She just wanted to stand up. Using a list of words and calling me a list of names that would be censored here, he basically called me a horrible dad. After that he picked her up and put her in his lap. She squirmed and he put her down. She kept her legs straight so she could stand up while holding on to the middle pillow on the couch and worked her way over to me. She locked one hand on my shorts before letting go of the couch and started bouncing a little with a smile on her face while looking at me. The disagreement ensued after that. He yelled a bunch about how I should've just picked up her and put her in the standing position like she wanted and about how she'll never walk if I treat her like that. My mom and Jazmyn heard us fighting and came in the room. My dad told them what it was about and my mom (of course) agreed with my dad. Jazmyn and I explained that we had already talked about it and have chosen to not pick her up without trying to coax her to stand by offering our hand and reassurance first every time. They said that that is neglect and we are clueless when it comes to being a real parent.
So Jazmyn and I would like some outside input. Is it better to pick her up every single time she wants or are we right in trying to coax her and reassure her? Of course we never have and never would drag out the time in trying to coax her. Two minutes would be the absolute maximum. On average it's only for minute.
That's quite a huge input in here.
Your concern is valid. Many adults fall into the trap of doing for the child... so I suggest talk to your parents that whatever she is already good at or doing independently they should allow her to do and wherever she needs assistance you are always there to help.
I think you just need to sit and talk with your parents and share your ideas of parenting and what you do or don't expect from them clearly as ultimately it is your child.