Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/my kid behavior


Hi, I have a problem with my kid. He's 3 years old I don't know what to do with him anymore I tried everything I know or told to do . He's so stubborn and spoiled . He don't listen to me . If we're at home or we're with our family and friends sometimes he is so annoying. Tried to talk to him gently or if he do something good , I try to encourage him but nothing .if he do something wrong I try to use with him the silence but that doesn't work or take from him a toy that he loves with telling him why but that also doesn't work or so much other stuff that didn't work ..  He cry so much and if he don't take what he wants he starts to scream but in fact most of days we don't give him what he want we didn't spoiled him. He drives me crazy , my whole life I didn't see myself in this way ( so angry, stressed, depressed, screaming most of time) he has his brother but I don't give him time so he won't be jealous he doesn't like to share his toys. Please help me I don't know anymore what to do

Hello Dida,

 I'm sorry it is so stressful trying to manage your three-year-old son.

 I am assuming he is your first-born child, right?

 The truth is it is very time-intensive work to parent and raise a toddler. That is, if you want to do it right. It is NOT easy. It is tiring.

 Now, having said this, I would suggest that the first way you begin to reduce the stress on yourself is to change your expectations of your son. If you are like me (and like any number of other parents I have known or helped), you thought that your child would be different from any other child. You believed that you could be patient and soft-spoken with your child and because you loved him so much he would be be compliant and obedient in return. If you are agreeing that you thought these things (at least to some degree), then that is why you have to change your thinking and attitude as a first step.

 Here is what you must think instead: Parenting children under the age of five is difficult. The major reason is because they must learn all the rules of how to act and behave. But they don't necessarily want to do that. And to be the teacher of your child takes a great deal of patience. You must say the same things over and over again; you must explain the rules many times.

 Look at yourself as the teacher of your son. When you talk to him about what you want or expect, get down to his level. Get on the floor and look him in the eyes. Tell him what you want. But be prepared to not only tell him, but to show him. Talk to him a great deal. Talk to him about what you are doing and why (for instance, tell him why you are being kind to someone or sharing something with someone else).

 Finally, keep a sense of humor about this. Don't take his rule breaking and disobedience too seriously. Just know that in the future -- maybe years in the future -- he will be a nice young man of whom you will be proud. And nobody (certainly not him or anyone else ) will know or remember how hard it was to teach him to be that nice young man he will be in the future. But you can smile inwardly when he has the same stress when he is trying to manage his own 3-year-old some day.

  I hope this helps. Please feel free to email me back with more questions.

James Windell


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James Windell


I can answer questions related to normal child development, disturbed behavior and how to provide appropriate guidance and discipline.


I've been a clinical psychologist in a juvenile court, worked in school settings, been a child psychotherapist in a private psychiatric clinic and consulted with schools, courts, hospitals and daycare centers.

American Psychological Association
Michigan Psychological Association

I have been a columnist with the Oakland Press (Oakland County, MI) for 21 years writing a weekly column called Coping With Kids, which is also published weekly in the Staten Island Advance. I have been a mental health columnist with the Detroit Free Press and a columnist for Working Mother Magazine. In addition, I have published articles in professional journals. I have published 16 books, among them are "8 Weeks to a Well-Behaved Child" (IDG Books), "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (IDG Books); "Children Who Say No When You Want Them to Say Yes" (IDG Books), "What You Need to Know About Ritalin" (Bantam Books) "6 Steps to an Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers" (John Wiley & Sons), "The Fatherstyle Advantage" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang) and "Defusing High Conflict Divorce" (Impact Publishers). My latest parenting book (2012) is "The Everything Child Psychology and Development Book." Articles about my work with parents has appeared in the New York Times, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press. My website at includes more information about me, my books and includes many columns I've written.

B.A. in Psychology from Wayne State University
M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Oakland University

Awards and Honors
Best Educational Program by Juvenile and Family Court Judges Association (National award for the development of a parent training program for parents of delinquent teenagers. Beth Clark Service Award from the Michigan Psychological Association.

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