Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/What should a mother

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Question
What should a mother do? Her son comes home with his newborn baby daughter. He wants her to teach her son to be a very good father to her grand daughter and help him raise her properly. The mother of his daughter allows his daughter to live with him, if she does not have to pay child support and is allowed to see her child anytime she wants to. If he does not agree to those terms her has to pay her mother child support and be the non custodial parent.

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Darleen Claire Wodzenski
Darleen Claire Wodzens  
Dear Mother,

Congratulations on your new grandchild! I am sure she is beautiful and lovely!!

This seems to be first a legal question that requires an attorney. In some states, the father must be legitimated in order to have the right to raise the child. Then, without an agreement in court about custody and child support, the state may require the noncustodial parent to pay child support.

In my state, the deal you just described would simply not be allowed to take place. So I suggest you find a really solid family law attorney who is sensitive to paternal rights issues. Not all family law attorneys, in my experience, are as skilled about paternity issues as others.

Secondly, this is a situation that might benefit from some family coaching combined with mediation. This is an incredibly emotional and challenging situation. Having a clear minded expert who understands how to negotiate good situations that benefit the child is a good thing.

Lastly, once you have worked out the legalities and practicalities of your son having custody of his daughter, then you could benefit from the support of a parent trainer.

Please let me know how it goes as you work through the stages. It will be work, but you can do this! Keep in mind that people get very emotional about family issues like this, and you can expect the other family to change their minds multiple times as you work through the negotiations. Keep focused on what you want, remain calm, and work with your attorney and coach/mediator.

I wish you the best of luck. I am so proud of you for having such an open and loving heart. Your son and granddaughter are both so lucky to have you.

Warm regards,

Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MA ESE, MA CMHC, QPPE
OrchardHumanServices.org
The Orchard Human Services, Inc.

Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers

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Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD Candidate

Expertise

Parenting toddlers to preschoolers? Our cutting edge approach will turn "terrible two's" into "terrific two's & three's". We teach how to develop tools and skills that make parenting the little ones feel joyful and fun. Don't waste your little one's early childhood struggling with their behavior and "no" attitude. Learn how to move them beyond the "no" and into the "Go!". Simple, effective, and powerful techniques are based on brain-based approaches to child rearing and early child development. These skills easily support growth into elementary and middle school years and teenage years.

Experience

My greatest wisdom came through my roles as Mother, Therapeutic Caretaker, and Grandparent. As a Clinical Mental Health Counselor and former Exceptional Student Educator, I have an integrated understanding of the brain-based, developmental, emotional, and physical aspects of raising healthy, happy children! As a Teacher and Parent Trainer, I love to share ways to promote children's thriving by using cutting-edge and evidence-based strategies that honor each child's learning style and interests in the world.

Organizations
The Orchard Human Services, Inc.; OrchardHumanServices.org Council for Exceptional Children; http://www.cec.sped.org/am/template.cfm?section=Home; PNE Institute, LLC American Counseling Association

Publications
YourTango.com http://parentblog.org The Local News; Lifestyles Marietta

Education/Credentials
PhD Candidate in Psychology - in Integrated Model for Developmental (including Autism) and Mental Health Challenges Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling Masters in Exceptional Student Education (Special Ed) QPPE - Qualified Professional Parent Educator GBFTS - Georgia Bright from the Start Approved Teacher Trainer

Awards and Honors
National Presenter: National Youth at Risk Conference East - Classroom of Compassion (2017) Georgia's Association for Young Children - Metacognition (2016) Council for Exceptional Children [CEC] - Using Behavior Contracting to Promote Academic and Behavioral Success with NLP and Vygotsky's Scaffolding in the Zone of Proximal Development (2013) CEC - Metacognition to Promote Reading Across the Common Core (2014) - Co-Presenter CEC - Music to Promote Affect / Emotional Development of Young Children (Co-Presenter 2013)

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