Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers/Stubborn Baby 26 months

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Question
Dear Expert ,
  I need an advise of how to deal with my baby , he is 26 months , he is currently in a nursery , but either at home or in the nursery he is so stubborn , he is not listening to the instructions , he just needs to do what  ever in his mind , he adores crying on every single thing he's facing he cries , he needs everything to be owned by him , in addition to "NO" for everything , I just need your advise , I know it may be usual for his age to proceed  in his independency stage , but I need the perfect way to deal with him , when he gets angry he through everything on the ground , I am currently using " Time Out" to punish him , but still no improvement .

Thank you in advance .

Answer
Hi Hiba

Time out at his age will probably not work because it is a discipline strategy that is not related directly to the behaviour you are trying to change.  Time out is good as he gets older maybe close to age 4 to age 6, and throws tantrums, he can be sent to his room to spend some time settling down. Then when he is calm he can come out and talk about his feelings.

I think you need to make a list of the behaviours you want to see him do differently and put them in order of importance for you.  So if you want him to listen to instructions then only focus on that behaviour for 7 days, before moving onto the next behaviour etc.  

If he cries or throws a tantrum it may be best for you to turn your back to him and tell him if he stops you will talk to him again.  You could also if he is in a safe spot in the room leave the room and see if he follows you and again tell him when he is quiet you will listen to him.  Try this for about four days and see if the time that he cries lessens.  He will not have all the words and understanding of his feelings so you need to give him the words when you do talk to him, tell him what you see, I see you are angry, upset, frustrated etc and then tell him to be calm.  It will take some time for him to learn self control but he will improve especially by age 4 when he has words to put in place of crying.

I try not to use the word stubborn and try to look at his independence as a strength eventually.  If he throws something on the ground, take it away and explain he can get it back when he is calm.  Everything is to try to teach him self control and self discipline.  

Also try to maybe have a reward system if you see him doing something good, then mention I see you playing nicely by yourself that makes me happy etc.

You may be able to find some more tips here at www.thechildrenscounsellor.com.au my website.  Please follow up if you need to.

Kind regards
Eleanor  

Parenting--Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers

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Eleanor Formaggio

Expertise

I can answer questions where practical advice is sought in relation to behaviour issues of 2-10 year olds. I specifically look at the influence of personality in a child's behaviour and tailor advice to suit the individual child and parent. This is useful since not all children are the same. I can suggest techniques for tantrums, child aggression and sibling rivalry and adapting to change.

Experience

I am a counsellor and child behaviour consultant based in Sydney, Australia and mum to three boys ages 12,10 and 6. I have been involved in setting up and facilitating community support groups for new mothers and run parenting workshops so parents can better understand their children's behaviour. I have spent alot of time observing personality differences in children and understanding how these differences can be used to make parenting easier. I developed the Early Childhood Personality Rating Scale for identifying child personality types in children as young as two. I am the founder of Parent with Potential and developed the Prechooler Personality Kit and READ personality system for primary aged children. More info can be found at www.thechildrenscounsellor.com.au

Publications
Book: In this Present Moment: Quality Time Ideas for busy parents.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelors Degree in Applied Social Science (Counselling).

Past/Present Clients
Parents of 2-8 year olds. Mothers with Postnatal Depression or anxiety attending a support group or seeking individual counselling or advice in relation to their child's behaviour.

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