Expert: Eleanor Formaggio - 12/5/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi, My daughter is 3 yr old. she has become extremely stubborn these days. She will do only wht she wants to do despite of all warnings and later on she'll come and say sorry. This has become a routine. She wont even eat whatever i try to feed her and keep on eating all junk items. Everyday it takes almost an hour to feed her. Its really painful seeing that she's not getting nutritous food. Also its very frustrating seeing her getting out of our hands.
Please advice as on how to handle this behaviour?

ANSWER: Hi Priti, She sounds very normal for her age and for her determined personality type. It is good that she is saying sorry when she realises her mistake as she is learning to take responsibility. Does she have a favourite 'good' food, such as pasta or rice etc.  Some children are happy to eat one thing for quite a while.  You will need to take away junk or sugary foods in the day and sit with her at lunch time and dinner time. Don't feed her as she is old enough to feed herself and she will eat when she gets hungry, for about two days she may not eat much but will learn to eat when the food is there in front of her, or you can offer fruit or yoghurt or a sandwich. They don't need much to fill them up. It is important with determined children to work on one thing that frustrates you at a time, so you don't wear yourself out trying to fix everything at once.

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QUESTION: How to handle a situation where in she insists on doing something which is not good for her? Even if i ignore her she keeps crying and does not stop until she vomits out.

Answer
Hi Priti, Some children are so stubborn that they only learn through making mistakes themselves. However, if it is something dangerous or you have told her not to do something,  then she may need to be put into time out for disobeying you after you have told her 'no'.  This can be her bedroom or a corner where she will have to stay until you are ready for her to say sorry or she says sorry and means it, that she won't do it again. If there are things she does everyday, you could make a list of rules and see if she responds to that. Hope this helps a little.