Expert: Patty Sachs - 9/2/2008

Question
Recently our neighbors son got married.  We have lived next door for 5 years, and we do neighborly things, BBQ, chat, hang out, etc--friendly neighbors.  We live in a cul-de-sac and there are only 3 homes.  The son who got married has never lived there, we were invited to his college graduation and wave when we see him.  Granted, we don't know him well, but we feel slighted that we were not invited by the mom to attend the wedding or reception, or get together at the neighbors house--especially since the other neighbor WAS invited. I realize weddings are expensive, and we're trying to not feel hurt, but I believe the mom should have invited us or at least approached us about why we were NOT invited.  Now when we see them, they hang their head and pretend they don't see us.  We don't want an awkward living situation, help!  Thanks

Answer
Linda:

From what you write, it does sound like something might be amiss.  I suggest that you speak to the other invited neighbor and see if there might be an answer there...and if not, speak to the mother of the groom (your neighbor) and say something like, "I understand that you are limited in the amount of people you can invite to the wedding, etc. so I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about not inviting us.  We would not want anything to change our relationship."

That is as open and clear and fair as you can be.  She will likely, hem and haw, but you just hold steady and friendly.

You could go one step further, a big gesture, and offer to help with the home party, since you are not a guest, you could be of great help, I am sure.  

I hope this has shed some light on your situation.  Always take the high road...the air is cleaner and the view is always better.

Patty Sachs
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