Expert: Mary Pat, R.N. - 10/29/2009

Question
I would like advice on how to best discipline my child. He is 4 and normally a good kid. He is in pre-k 5 days a week for 3hrs and behaves really well. The second he comes home, he is fighting with his sister (who is 3), or getting into things he is not supposed to and when I take it away, he hits me, or calls me names like idiot, shut up, etc. I have tried TIME OUT...I put him back in the chair over and over, with a timer...and it works for a little while but then thats it...We have tried taking toys away and more recently, the marbles in the jar for good behavior...when he gets 10 marbles, we go out and get a toy. When he is not behaving, we take marbles away...I am all out of ideas and luck and am just at rock bottom. I am stressed out everyday, headaches, aggravation, and just need someone to help me through. He has a door protector on his knob so he cannot get out of his room and when he acts up to where I can no longer take control, I just bring him to his room for a while. Not sure if this is the right thing to do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you can offer.

Answer
Dear Heather:

Your son acts as though he is coming home from Pre-K tired.  When children are tired they act like this.  Perhaps some quiet time in his bed would help.  If he is exhibiting agressive or naughty behaviors time out is the best approach but you have to be persistent and consistent with enforcing it.  It is one minute per year in time out.  EVERY TIME.  All caregivers must do the same.  He will tend to test you and wear you down but you must persevere.  If that does not work then perhaps psychological counseling may help.

Mary Pat